Goodnight and Good Luck

24 May

ADiaryofaPandemicMaster

May 24,  2020

Day 64

A couple of things right off the bat. The quail haven’t left, the meteorologists were right about the rain and Hong Kong is in trouble.

In other news today a salon worker in Missouri infected 91 customers over seven days last week, Sweden stands by their plan and Putin’s approval ratings have dropped from 100% to 97%. In Moscow a third doctor who worked for an ambulance service has fallen to his death after expressing dismay about two doctors who earlier died in similar incidents. A government spokesperson is reported to have cited ‘unwarranted agitation for parachutes for health workers on the frontline of the fight against Covid-19’ as the cause of his ‘inadvertent and totally unrelated high speed convergence with the earth’. In Norway, BOC Aviation, a wholly owned subsidiary of the state owned Bank Of China, has purchased a majority share of Norwegian Air after the cash strapped startup completed a debt for equity swap in order to survive the downturn in revenue caused by the Covid-19 contagion. Media representatives for BOC Aviation were unavailable for comment at the time of the transaction as they were busy threatening Australia with ‘new much needed regulations’ on the import of beef and ‘technical inspection issues’ affecting the shipping of coal and iron ore. Elsewhere, North Korea still has zero reported cases and credits this to Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un’s ‘Superior Leadership and Beneficial Practices’. The Hermit Kingdom has offered to help the world combat Covid-19 by teaching these principles to all countries except Turkmenistan, citing a long standing dispute with that former Soviet republic about which nation had zero Covid-19 cases first. Resolution of this dispute is proving to be difficult as President of Turkmenistan, Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, has banned the word coronavirus. And in New Zealand toady, Ministry of Health figures were posted on their website and this is what they say…

AMAY24NZCov

Zero New cases. 1 Recovered case. Ratio of recovered cases to confirmed and probable cases is 96.8%. Five Zeroes on the board. 27 Active cases remaining.

 

 

 

And in our final story tonight…

AMANEATEN

 

Goodnight and good luck.

 

 

 

4 Responses to “Goodnight and Good Luck”

  1. rochellewisoff May 24, 2020 at 2:27 pm #

    Dear Doug,

    As you’re ending your day, you’ve started mine off with a chuckle. 😀 Glad you haven’t lost that sense of humour. 8 days to pool opening. I’ll try to cross my t’s and dot my eye’s before sending. Ptoobreding is very important. That was the news that was the news…say goodnight Dick. Enough with the nonsense already.
    Love and more love to the two of you in hideaway (and that’s NOT nonsense.)

    Love,

    Rochelle

  2. Justin May 24, 2020 at 3:35 pm #

    Mr. Douglas, you would make a fine Programmes Newsreader Presenter on BBC London. You have just enough gumption, assertiveness, and absurdity to make a go at Ron Burgandys chair. As long as you can read whatever the teleprompter tells you to. In this unprecedented state of uncertainty, we certainly are experiencing no worse. True that several countries have actually banned the use of the word ‘CoronaVirus’. This loss of our ability to control so many aspects of our lives shows us that an intelligent man is often forced to be drunk to spend time with his foolish compatriots.
    Cheerio and a bit of Kerfuffle

    Justin

    • Justin May 31, 2020 at 1:00 am #

      So when do you start at Ron Burgandys newsdesk ?

  3. sustainabilitea May 24, 2020 at 4:49 pm #

    I alternated between laughing and crying and I absolutely love the possible truth of that last headline. I have a few words I’d like to ban and I imagine the makers of Corona beer would love to have had the virus named something else entirely. “Bud Light virus” springs to my mind as a wonderful alternative. 🙂 China and North Vietnam. Don’t want to go there, literally or figuratively, but you just can’t make this stuff up.

    Glad the numbers are still good. I do wonder whether in Russia, 3% of the people have now been disappeared and that percentage of approval would be back to 100? Ok, ok, I’m done. Sending love and hugs from us both.

    janet

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