Drachenfutter

15 Apr

100 words for Friday Fictioneers that may save your life.

(Last week I didn’t get to half of the stories because I couldn’t. Still working on answering comments. Insert excuses here. I remember when we thought 20 stories was a good number. Wish me luck this week. I’ll try. Aloha, D.)

 

Screen Shot 2015-04-14 at 10.01.48 PM

(Copyright Roger Bultot)

 

I sift ashes between my fingers as the ambulance bearing two bodies departs.

“A waste,” I utter.

“Arson?”

Newly married, my apprentice investigator had a roving eye and much to learn.

“Something else, son” I reply. “Review what we know.”

“Witnesses say the husband arrived home pre-dawn carrying a small gift-wrapped package. He entered the house and the wife was heard shouting. There’s a brief silence, then sudden ignition.”

“Characteristics?”

“Volatility, accelerated involvement, high heat.”

“Conclusion?”

“It can’t be…”

“Insufficent drachenfutter. Remember it. The life you save may be your own.”

 

 

 

Drachenfutter needed

56 Responses to “Drachenfutter”

  1. Sandra April 15, 2015 at 8:37 am #

    🙂 Perry and Russell will have their work cut out following you this week, Doug. I loved that patronising little “the life you save may be your own” at the end. This drachen has never been offered any futter, but then I’m pretty sure that we’re not immiscible. Thank you for some lovely new words

    • dmmacilroy April 15, 2015 at 8:42 am #

      Dear Sandra,

      Your husband is a wise and fortunate man and there’s no way you two could be immiscible and live and play on the canals of France all summer long. Thank you for enjoying my story and saying so in such a delightful way.

      Aloha,

      Doug

    • patrickprinsloo April 16, 2015 at 12:47 pm #

      Immiscible! my vocab is improving. And used it in a negative sense.

    • rgayer55 April 17, 2015 at 10:46 am #

      I humbly bow to his greatness on this one, Sandra.

  2. Snow's Fissures and Fractures April 15, 2015 at 8:53 am #

    Personally, I never believed in drachenfutter. My grandma would say: That explains lot. 🙂 I enjoyed this very much.

    • dmmacilroy April 15, 2015 at 8:57 am #

      Dear Lore,

      I agree with you in that I don’t think drachenfutter will help a whole lot. But then again, men are not widely known for their smarts and will try anything in a pinch. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  3. rochellewisoff April 15, 2015 at 8:58 am #

    Dear Doug,

    I can’t stop looking at that picture following your story. That and your story will stick with me. Drachenfutter, what a great word. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. I’ve been the recipient a time or two. 😉 Sometimes it’s enough and sometimes…well…
    You made me smile and then you made me laugh. Now I leave the room smiling.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • dmmacilroy April 15, 2015 at 9:10 am #

      Dear Rochelle,

      I’ve never offered a woman drachenfutter. I am either not your typical man or I am an idiot…oh, wait, your typical man is an…. Never mind. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  4. Rosey Pinkerton April 15, 2015 at 10:16 am #

    I’ve never turned a drachenfutter down! If you are reading this John, can you make it chocolates next time?

  5. Jessie Ansons April 15, 2015 at 10:26 am #

    And I learn a new word!! Thanks for expanding my mind Doug 🙂

  6. Suzanne Joshi April 15, 2015 at 10:59 am #

    Good story as always, Doug. I learned two new words. I was angry at my husband at times, but he couldn’t bring himself to spend money on “drachenfutter.” Too bad their lack of ability to get along caused their deaths. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne

  7. wildbilbo April 15, 2015 at 11:21 am #

    Yet another visit to google to learn a new word. Love it. You’ve also scared me from ever buying my wife a gift, as I’m sure she would be immediately suspicious of my motives!

    Cheers
    KT

    • rochellewisoff April 15, 2015 at 11:59 am #

      It’s all about timing, KT. 😉

      • rgayer55 April 17, 2015 at 10:48 am #

        Thanks for the tip, Dr. Mike. My timing has always been about half a beat off.

  8. micklively April 15, 2015 at 12:48 pm #

    You should see my wife making toast….. 😉
    Great writing: I’m jealous!

  9. FabricatingFiction April 15, 2015 at 1:06 pm #

    This is great (admittedly I had to google drachenfutter and then come back and read it again)!

    • Dale April 19, 2015 at 9:45 pm #

      Me too!!!

  10. Craig Towsley April 15, 2015 at 1:11 pm #

    Drachenfutter, good word that.

  11. storydivamg April 15, 2015 at 2:05 pm #

    Drachenfutter–well, now I know what to call it next time I demand it. 🙂 Great story, Doug. Fascinating in the way you moved it along with dialogue and educational as I now have a new word.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  12. patrickprinsloo April 15, 2015 at 2:28 pm #

    A lesson to be learnt. What a lovely word. I’ve sent it to friends and family.

  13. Tracey@WhatsforDinnerDoc.com April 15, 2015 at 2:32 pm #

    Elementary Watson! I’m with Sandra. I’ve never been a recipient of drachenfutter nor do I own a rolling pin. Yet, I’ve been known to light a fire occasionally. 😉
    I’m smiling,
    Tracey

  14. ansumani April 15, 2015 at 3:42 pm #

    Now here’s a story to send to my husband 😉 Funny one !

  15. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) April 15, 2015 at 3:43 pm #

    Hell has no fury as a woman scorned… I think the size of drachenfutter has to do with the reason it is given… 🙂

  16. singleworkingmomswm April 15, 2015 at 4:11 pm #

    Oh my, oh my, oh my! I will re-read this again on my lunchbreak, but had to take a view this morning first thing. Drachenfutter, no thanks. Not necessary for this gal. Flowers, little materialistic “I’m sorries” are a turn off to me….Keep it honest, keep it simple, keep it real, then we will avoid an explosion. But, for the likes of this story….oh my, it is firey good! Love it! XOXO-Kasey

  17. Liz Young April 15, 2015 at 4:16 pm #

    Great story – I love the way you worked in all the clues by having the apprentice list them.

  18. waitingforaname April 15, 2015 at 4:17 pm #

    Another one pleased to have learned a new word! Great story, and yes, that picture at the end makes quite an impression!

  19. elmowrites April 15, 2015 at 4:24 pm #

    I had to look up the word, but I loved the story. (Might I suggest you hyphenate gift-wrapped for flow?). Obviously I am no dragon so wouldn’t need any futter, but this reminds me of the question – when you see a man walking down the street with flowers, do you think “aww, how sweet” or “what did he do wrong?”?

    • elmowrites April 15, 2015 at 4:26 pm #

      PS I love the photo you used on the inlinkz page. Now I’m just waiting for you to have a dramatic hidden-personality reveal like Helena.

    • dmmacilroy April 17, 2015 at 5:10 am #

      Dear Jennifer,

      I took your advice and added same. Flow optimized. Thanks for reading and enjoying and critiquing ever so nicely.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  20. The Writer's Village April 15, 2015 at 5:10 pm #

    If you are going to put your futten in a drachen, you’d better get something better than a small gift wrapped package -unless it’s at least 5 carats. Randy

  21. plaridel April 15, 2015 at 9:25 pm #

    i didn’t know what drachenfutter meant so i googled it. here’s what i found out and i quote: dragon fodder… the offering german husbands make to their wives when they’ve stayed out late. a nice box of chocolates, or some flowers, perhaps, to mask the beer fumes.

    if there’s a lesson in your story, it’s to be aware that it doesn’t always work.

  22. David Stewart April 16, 2015 at 2:48 am #

    Doug, I think it was the Simpsons that said the Germans have a word for everything and I guess they’re right. 🙂 I love this dark humor, like a fragrant dark roast coffee, upturned slightly at one corner of the mouth. You’re quite the writer.
    -David

  23. Sally April 16, 2015 at 10:20 am #

    Love that word although I must admit I had to look up the meaning!

  24. gahlearner April 16, 2015 at 12:14 pm #

    It’s a smart, funny, and well written story, but I’m not happy that this word made it into the English language.

  25. draliman April 16, 2015 at 3:26 pm #

    Very good (I got it once I looked up “drachenfutter”!). I guess the wife pretty much exploded at the insufficiency of the gift 🙂 Wise words from the experienced investigator.

  26. babso2you April 16, 2015 at 3:28 pm #

    Nicely done Doug! Aloha – Be well… ^..^

  27. lingeringvisions by Dawn April 16, 2015 at 10:52 pm #

    I too have a new word.
    So many times I could have used it….sigh…

    • Ellespeth April 17, 2015 at 4:43 am #

      I’m cracking up at this comment, Dawn 😛
      Ellespeth

  28. Ellespeth April 17, 2015 at 4:45 am #

    Oh futter fotter!
    This was, unfortunately for the deceased, hilarious.
    Ellespeth

  29. rgayer55 April 17, 2015 at 10:57 am #

    Excellent story this week, Professor MacIlroy. This is one lesson that will be permanently burned into my brain cells. I had a woman at work give me a large bouquet of flowers she was given as drachenfutter, but refused to accept. I took them home and got laid on behalf of the other poor sap. Rochelle is right. Timing is everything. 🙂

  30. samanthamacmaster April 17, 2015 at 12:05 pm #

    a woman scorned….by a lack in the drachenfutter (which I also had to look up). Last picture was fabulous!

  31. milliethom April 17, 2015 at 2:51 pm #

    It would seem that this husband offered one drachenfutter too many. Great (new to me) word and an excellent story, Doug. I’ve never been offered drachenfutter – but then, I’ve never needed to use my rolling pin on anything other than pastry!

  32. joseph elon lillie April 17, 2015 at 3:23 pm #

    You learn something new everyday. Today I learned what a “drachenfutter” was. Knowing this could have helped me out several times in the last few years. Better late than never I guess.

  33. Alice Audrey April 17, 2015 at 4:44 pm #

    Drachenfutter? I ended up at a translation site that said it was German for “bunkum”. So… not a good enough story and she blew?

  34. Amy Reese April 17, 2015 at 5:47 pm #

    I had to turn to Google, Doug. Thanks for the new word. I’ve never been the recipient of “drachenfutter” either. Maybe that’s a good thing? I don’t think this relationship here was ever going to work. Brilliant work, Doug. I like the investigative questioning.

  35. Irene Waters 19 Writer Memoirist April 17, 2015 at 7:44 pm #

    I hope the men have all learnt a good lesson from your story – make sure good drachenfutter or don’t come home late.

  36. adamjasonp April 17, 2015 at 10:34 pm #

    If it has to come to drachenfutter, something’s definitely wrong with the relationship…

  37. amiewrites74 April 18, 2015 at 2:46 am #

    Add me to the list of those who googled and learned a new word. Love the story, especially the last line.

  38. Jan Brown April 18, 2015 at 4:53 am #

    Ah, very clever! And you made me look it up 😀

    Your protagonist gave some very wise advice to his apprentice!

  39. Perry Block (@PerryBlock) April 18, 2015 at 12:57 pm #

    Insufficent drachenfutter. — that’s only the third time this week I’ve come across that word. Actually the last time I came across it was in a prior lifetime maybe! Interesting thought-provoking tale as usual, and actually my work is cut out for me just to get out of bed in the morning.

  40. Carol Deminski April 19, 2015 at 3:18 am #

    Yes, new vocab for me too Doug. I’ve been absent from the reading populace too long, and I am currently hatching the plan for a summer reading list. I’m glad I poked in here before heading into the jungle.

    Hope you are well my friend.

    Carol

  41. subroto April 19, 2015 at 12:43 pm #

    Drachenfutter, what a great word, every man has gone and got one at least once in a lifetime. Nice one.

  42. talesfromthemotherland April 19, 2015 at 3:31 pm #

    Clever and fun, Doug. The back and forth banter had me feeling like the clueless apprentice! Thanks for that Sensei. Now I have 2 new words, I probably should have learned a long time ago. 😉

  43. Sarah Potter Writes April 20, 2015 at 11:15 am #

    I love learning new words, Doug, so thank you for introducing me to “drachenfutter”. If my mister started giving me flowers or offering to do the housework , or told me something I was wearing looked nice, I’d definitely be suspicious. He comes from Birmingham, which is his excuse for not being in the slightest romantic!
    A very well written story.
    By the way, would you like to be my guest storyteller for May over on my blog? If so, perhaps you could let me know via my “Contact” page that you can find above the header on my blog.
    You can read all about this monthly event here http://sarahpotterwrites.com/guest-storytellers-2/

  44. Margaret April 20, 2015 at 11:39 am #

    Entertaining and informative. Loved it.

  45. Lynda July 15, 2015 at 1:33 pm #

    Dear Doug,

    I hadn’t a clue about the meaning of your story until I looked up drachenfutter. Suddenly your story tells me volumes! Thank you for the new word to add to my vocabulary.

    Aloha,
    Lynda

    PS: I’m glad to say that I have never been offered nor needed such a gift!

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