Long Time Coming

24 Dec

99 words for Friday Fictioneers, a caravan of sorts. People come and go at will, but their stories remain. The good ones are like rain in the desert.

 

Long Time Coming

 

After walking for an eternity over endless dunes, he came upon salvation in a verdant glade nestled between green valley walls shaded by long white clouds. Kneeling in reverence and gratitude, he placed his hands on either side of a slick fosse and inhaled the fragrance of moss-furred walls.

When his lips met wetness, warm and tremulous, he waited, savoring the moment. It was a sweet thing to be so close, to feel the wellspring of life tremble beneath him, and to know that he could drink deep until sated.

That night he slept and dreamt of geysers erupting.

 

Geyser dreams

50 Responses to “Long Time Coming”

  1. Honie Briggs December 24, 2014 at 4:32 pm #

    Shall I be the first to comment that you’ve one upped The Song of Solomon in short order with these 100 words? Nicely, and I do mean nicely, written.

    • dmmacilroy December 25, 2014 at 3:27 am #

      Dear Honie,

      I could not ask for a better comment to prime the pump of understanding re Long Time Coming. Thank you for starting things off so generously. Song of Solomon? That’s quite the compliment and I don’t take it for granted. Mahalo nui loa.

      And, of course, Mele Kalikimaka to you and yours.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  2. elmowrites December 24, 2014 at 7:18 pm #

    Something tells me this story is neither about a desert nor a spring, but very neatly done so the reader cannot be certain of the double entendre until (or beyond) that last line.
    BTW – personally, I think I’d hyphenate moss-furred. If you agree, feel free to edit and then edit this comment.

    • dmmacilroy December 25, 2014 at 4:11 am #

      Dear Jennifer,

      Long Time Coming is about a journey out of an arid land and into the arms of love. Or it is about a long drink of water. Both are priceless if one has gone long without drinking.

      I appreciate the suggestion/thought re Moss-furred. Good call and thank you.

      Merry Christmas to you and yours. Love, always.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  3. storydivamg December 24, 2014 at 7:27 pm #

    <>

    Dear Doug,
    A picture this idyllic can be dangerous for less skilled writers. You, however, have raised the bar. Nicely handled my friend. The innuendo makes the piece.

    Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you and yours.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  4. storydivamg December 24, 2014 at 7:30 pm #

    Arrrgghh . . . the ether disappeared my initial sentence . . .

    Now . . . it wouldn’t make any sense to leave it since you’ve already read the end.

    Happy internet Grinchmas.

    • dmmacilroy December 25, 2014 at 4:13 am #

      Dear Marie,

      Thanks for your kind comment. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  5. rgayer55 December 24, 2014 at 8:35 pm #

    When I dream of geysers erupting it means I better get up and go to the bathroom before I wet the bed.

    Beautiful prose my friend. I do rather agree with Honie about one-upping Solomon on this one. It was as smooth as 12 yr. old Scotch.

    • dmmacilroy December 25, 2014 at 4:15 am #

      Dear Russell,

      Thanks for the high praise. I’m calling BS on the geyser dreams. You’re not that far gone and you know it.

      Merry Chrtistmas to you and Connie.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  6. The Writer's Village December 25, 2014 at 1:01 am #

    Well, gulp, okay then…
    May we all “drink deep and be sated”. Especially the satyrs.
    Happy Holidays.
    Randy

    • dmmacilroy December 25, 2014 at 4:17 am #

      Dear Randy,

      A glass of Christmas cheer, right?

      Thanks for the satyrtastic comment, my friend.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  7. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) December 25, 2014 at 7:37 am #

    This reads beautifully … we come to that point sooner or later, and it was truly a wonderful place to just linger aftar a strenuous journey. Have a wonderful Holiday.

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:08 am #

      Dear Bjorn,

      Thanks for the great picture and the start of my story.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  8. Sandra December 25, 2014 at 8:28 am #

    Hmmm. It’s a long time since I heard the word ‘fosse’. Beautifully written. Merry Christmas, my friend.

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:10 am #

      Dear Sandra,

      Merry Christmas to you and Neville. May 2015 bring you smooth sailing and lots of raspberry margaritas.

      Thank you for your kind comments on this story and for all of those you wrote for my stories throughout the year. You are a wonderful friend and a great writer.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  9. rochellewisoff December 25, 2014 at 8:59 am #

    Dear Doug,

    You’ve rendered me speechless and left me with a lump in my throat. A cooling drink of water indeed. Stunning.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:11 am #

      Dear Rochelle,

      Thank you for seeing…and saying.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  10. Suzanne Joshi December 25, 2014 at 1:58 pm #

    Doug, The last book I read “fosse” it was in Tolkien. I had to look it up again. I think others have fairly covered the meaning of this metaphorical poetry. I’ll just say that it takes some time to reach your level of excellent writing ability. We all strive for it. To say “well written” doesn’t do it justice. — Suzanne

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:13 am #

      Dear Suzanne,

      Your comment is particularly kind and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Fosse had just the right connotation, I thought. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.

      Aloha,

      Doug

      • Suzanne Joshi December 29, 2014 at 4:33 pm #

        Actually Doug, it doesn’t bother me to look up words. I consider it as increasing my vocabulary. 🙂

  11. Perry Block (@PerryBlock) December 25, 2014 at 6:09 pm #

    This is the sexiest thing I’ve read all week, Doug. I long for my lips to meet with wetness, warm and tremulous as well. Great use of language and metaphor. Oh boy, here comes that geyser!

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:15 am #

      Dear Perry,

      Thanks for such a pithy comment. I’m glad the story moved you and that you read between and beneath all of the lines.

      Happy Geysers.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  12. plaridel December 25, 2014 at 7:33 pm #

    it feels like an erotic story. then again, i have a wild imagination. 🙂

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:17 am #

      Dear palridel,

      I was trying to write three stories using the same words, each apparent to those who could see. I applaud your imagination.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  13. draliman December 26, 2014 at 6:40 am #

    At first read I took your story literally (that’s the way my brain works), then realised it could also be about reaching a turning point in life, a new and better way forward.
    Great story!

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:18 am #

      Dear Draliman,

      You have keen eyes and a perceptive mind. It is all of the above.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  14. aliciajamtaas December 26, 2014 at 11:48 pm #

    green valley walls shaded by long white clouds – this has delightfully calm feel to it.

    I agree with plaridel. This could be a very erotic story or welcome end to a long journey.

    Kudos, and Happy New Year!

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:19 am #

      Dear Alicia,

      I loved your story this week. I’m glad you enjoyed mine. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  15. Amy Reese December 27, 2014 at 4:09 am #

    This is an erotic take for sure on dehydration. Excellent use of language, Doug. I hope you had a wonderful holiday. And, I hope you were not thirsty!

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:22 am #

      Dear Amy,

      It would be nice to be able to say my thirst was slaked, but the fact that i write this story is illustrative of the opposite. Thanks for the nod to my use of the language and for reading and commenting so kindly.

      May the New Year bring you muses aplenty and prosperity throughout.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  16. Margaret December 27, 2014 at 5:16 am #

    Wonderfully evocative. And I hope his next drink isn’t such a long time coming.

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:23 am #

      Dear Margaret,

      Thank you for reading and commenting. I hope so, too.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  17. joseph elon lillie December 28, 2014 at 2:51 am #

    Beautiful story of slaked thirst. I love the wording.

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:23 am #

      Dear Joseph,

      Slaked thirst is such a good way to describe it, isn’t it? Thanks for the kind comment.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  18. Indira December 28, 2014 at 5:33 am #

    It was going beautifully but I could not follow the last line. Best wishes for 2015.

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:26 am #

      Dear Indira,

      Thanks for reading and saying that you were left in the lurch by my last sentence. Too often we never say what is really going through our minds and I think that that is unfortunate. i learn from all comments, but especially from those like yours.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  19. Vinay Leo R. December 28, 2014 at 5:51 am #

    I agree with Indira 🙂 I got an idea it was about thirst, but the dream threw me off. Was the earlier part about the verdant glade happening in a dream too?

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:27 am #

      Dear Vinay,

      The story was about a man long in the desert who finds water at last, and in that moment before drinking, reflects on the wonder and amazement of life. That night he dreams.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  20. Ellespeth December 28, 2014 at 8:35 am #

    Hi Doug ~
    A well deserved salvation. I’m thinking of another one of your recent pieces and wondering if he’s found her again. Anyway, the writing has such a smooth flow.
    Cheers to the New Year!
    Ellespeth

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:29 am #

      Dear Ellespeth,

      I wrote earlier in a reply to a comment that I was writing three stories with the same 100 words. most see the first, a few the second… You have seen the third. Keen eyes, beautiful heart.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  21. Subroto December 28, 2014 at 8:28 pm #

    Wonderful prose and it could mean whatever we make of it. Beautifully written.

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 6:30 am #

      Dear Subroto,

      Thank you for taking the time to say so.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  22. patrickprinsloo December 29, 2014 at 8:54 am #

    I’m not sure whether this is sublime prose or whether it qualifies for the Bad Sex award. I guess it depends on how one reads it. I would cetainly dream of geysers erupting after that experience.

    • dmmacilroy December 29, 2014 at 9:17 am #

      Dear Patrick,

      Bad sex? If you’re dreaming of geysers afterwards, it was good sex.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, my friend.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  23. lingeringvisions by Dawn December 29, 2014 at 1:00 pm #

    Dayum Doug,
    That was hot!
    I like it like that.
    ~ Dawn

  24. hafong December 29, 2014 at 8:21 pm #

    Can I say it sounds like a hot wet dream? 🙂 The first paragraph is lovely, green and restful.

    Lily

  25. Paul Field December 29, 2014 at 11:19 pm #

    Nicely done sire. Your story invokes both mental images and the physical sensation of relief. No mean feat in 99 words. Well played.

  26. talesfromthemotherland January 3, 2015 at 5:50 pm #

    I’m late to the party this time– recovering from a nasty flu and our trip to NYC. What a sweet respite this story is. I share and appreciate your deep love of nature and her bounty, Doug. So many of your stories are salve for whatever ails– a reminder of that which brings me most joy. Thanks for this beautiful tale. I too dream of geysers. (And, ironically, JUST seconds before opening your story was in fact fantasizing about returning to Yellowstone!). Happy New Year.

  27. wildbilbo January 6, 2015 at 2:38 am #

    Nicely written imagery, the symbolism off passing through difficulty to resolution is strong without smacking us around the head.
    I’m less certain about the last line though – most of the story seemed to talk about relief after difficulty – which raised cool, calm images in my mind (still lakes, ponds, pools) and the last line’s geyser reference seems to be more forceful or active.

    This could just be me of course 🙂
    Cheers
    KT

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: