A Little Trim

6 Aug

100 words for Friday Fictioneers, a tiny band of writers on the winding road of life whose journey each week sometimes includes writing a short story based on a photo prompt (shown below courtesy of Bjorn Rudberg). The head of the road crew is Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.

 

A Little Trim

(Copyright Bjorn Rudberg.)

The woman who cuts my hair smells of lavender and sometimes the sea if she has gone swimming in the morning. Barefoot, in jeans, her fuchsia silk blouse unbuttoned just so, she leans close as she works and tells me how the water felt on her skin or of the color of the dawn.

I sit still and erect, every sense on edge until she finishes. She never asks if I am satisfied.

I pay, then press my tip into her warm hands.

β€œCome again.” She smiles.

The men in her waiting room frown at me as I leave.

 

 

TunderheadMadeira

62 Responses to “A Little Trim”

  1. The Writer's Village August 6, 2014 at 11:23 am #

    well, okay,
    erectile as well as tactile function, I take it.
    happy endings for all.

    randy

    • dmmacilroy August 6, 2014 at 11:28 am #

      Dear Randy,

      With a first name like yours, I should have expected that.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  2. Karen Whitelaw August 6, 2014 at 11:44 am #

    What a wonderful description of the woman, Doug. I can see her! But I am blushing just a little at your story … The meaning is very subtly touched on but it still stands out.

    • dmmacilroy August 6, 2014 at 11:51 am #

      Dear Karen,

      This is more along the lines of what I intended. Thank you for seeing the woman as I saw her. Beautiful, erotic and yet still somewhat reserved. I appreciate you reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  3. storydivamg August 6, 2014 at 11:47 am #

    Dear Doug,
    This is a wonderfully layered story. I like the way you weave the sexual tension through to the end.

    Cheers!
    Marie Gail

    • dmmacilroy August 6, 2014 at 11:56 am #

      Dear Marie,

      Thanks for peeling back the layers and seeing the under….currents in the story. I tried to write a story akin to the picture of the thunderhead.

      I appreciate you stopping by to read and comment.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  4. Lynda August 6, 2014 at 12:07 pm #

    Deftly written. You took us exactly where you wanted us to go. πŸ˜‰

    • dmmacilroy August 6, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

      Dear Lynda,

      That is a comment that makes me smile. Like seeing the arrow quivering in the center of the bull’s eye way downrange. Thank you.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  5. rochellewisoff August 6, 2014 at 12:12 pm #

    Dear Doug,

    Fuchsia’s one of my favorite variations of purple. Okay. I love all variations of purple. You have an enviable knack for writing many layers into a story. A beautifully crafted glimpse into the male psyche.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • dmmacilroy August 6, 2014 at 12:18 pm #

      Dear Rochelle,

      Perhaps I should have titled my story, Fifty Shades of Fuchsia. Thank you for noticing the layers.

      As to the male psyche? I haven’t a clue…just mine.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  6. Sandra August 6, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

    That woman is in control. And she knows it. Nice one.

    • dmmacilroy August 6, 2014 at 12:21 pm #

      Dear Sandra,

      I edited a sentence that said almost that. Better to show than tell, no. Thank you for such a discerning comment.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  7. BjΓΆrn Rudberg (brudberg) August 6, 2014 at 12:18 pm #

    Hi Doug,

    First I’m happy you really caught the reason for why I took the picture.. the fuchsia part of the house was so intriguing… I must say you have captured that feeling of an excellent hair-dresser well… πŸ™‚

    Coming to think about it, I think it might have been taken in the valley of the nuns… (curral das freiras) quite close to Funchal.

    • dmmacilroy August 6, 2014 at 12:23 pm #

      Dear Bjorn,

      Thanks for the geo-location. I will resume my search.

      i usually zoom in on each picture and study them minutely. The fuchsia section of the building intrigued me right from the start.

      For the record, that woman was real. When she left Kona half the men in town wept (which is how I know that Rochelle’s last line is true.)

      Aloha,

      Doug

  8. Snow's Fissures and Fractures August 6, 2014 at 1:24 pm #

    Your words pull me deeper and deeper, so I can almost smell the ocean and feel the tingling of the salt on my skin. Nice to glimpse the world through your eyes.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:06 am #

      Dear Lore,

      Nice to have you there with me. Thank you for reading and for such a nice comment.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  9. santoshwriter August 6, 2014 at 1:48 pm #

    It was nice to read something different, something told from different angle πŸ™‚ Absolutely loved it!

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:07 am #

      Dear SW,

      I am gratified that the different angle paid off for both of us. Thanks for reading and commenting.
      Aloha,

      Doug

  10. Perry Block (@PerryBlock) August 6, 2014 at 1:51 pm #

    I think my head is about to explode! If only I could get up (oops!) early enough to go swimming with her ….

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:08 am #

      Dear Perry,

      She’s out there swimming all the time.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  11. Helena Hann-Basquiat August 6, 2014 at 3:44 pm #

    How playfully erotic, darling. I love what words can do if used correctly, and how there’s no need to be vulgar to make the pulse race. Well done.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:10 am #

      Dear Helena,

      If I ever come across as vulgar, please shoot me. Thanks for your kind comment. I loved your story this week. Thank you for visiting mine.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  12. aliciajamtaas August 6, 2014 at 4:41 pm #

    Your description of the hair dresser is so simple yet so involved. A truly lovely woman doesn’t need to try she just “is.” You’ve captured this one well. Lovely, Doug.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:13 am #

      Dear Alicia,

      Thank you for letting me know my story touched you. In my world, these women abound, yet I never take them for granted. I appreciate you visiting and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  13. elmowrites August 6, 2014 at 7:48 pm #

    Well Doug, here I am, a woman of the world, but maybe not sufficiently, because I cant decide whether this is a story with a happy ending or a … shall we say frustrating? … one.
    Either way, great stuff, very cleverly woven and proof that you’re an expert wordsmith. You mention 50 shades of fuchsia as an alternative title and I have to give my vote 100% to that change!
    The other thing I wonder is about the colours of the dawn. That’s the only bit that seems to drop the momentum of the rest, and I’m wondering if there’s some other way you could use those lines to keep the tension up. Not that there’s anything wrong as they stand, you understand, just that those words have a little less value (to this reader) than the company they keep.
    Keep those pulses racing…
    Jen

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:22 am #

      Dear Jennifer,

      I don’t know where to begin. This story was kind of like the storm cloud in the picture I added below the text, roiling in the reader’s mind as their imaginations take flight. I plead rhythm and pace and the way it sounded as it rolled off of my tongue. I’m sure in more capable hands or perhaps with more time, better words would have found their way to the page, but it will have to remain the way it is, like an image of a cloud made by lighting flashing for an instant….and then gone.

      I appreciate the way you examine my work with such unblinking eye. Can’t thank you enough for your input each week.

      Mahalo and Aloha,

      Doug

      • elmowrites August 11, 2014 at 11:51 am #

        There is no need to begin or to plead, Doug. The story is already everything as it stands, and you know I mean it no disrespect by my comments. I like the stormcloud analogy though – the same could be said of all our stories, indeed our lives at all!

        J

  14. misskzebra August 6, 2014 at 8:53 pm #

    A very sensual and stimulating piece, your use of words matches the content of your story well. A pleasurable and harmonious entry.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:23 am #

      Dear Misskzebra,

      And you comment was equally harmonious and appreciated. Thank you.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  15. helenmidgley August 6, 2014 at 9:01 pm #

    Subtle erotica, that was delicately delicious πŸ™‚

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:25 am #

      Dear Helen,

      Thank you. Nice to know the arrow came close to its mark.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  16. Fly Indie August 7, 2014 at 8:04 am #

    Goodness! I need a trim myself. You captured the wandering, romantic mind so well, though I think Sandra captured something too, when she commented that the woman is in control, and knows it…so naive are we…! However, I think the two of them, the hairdresser and client, share a nice, innocent relationship.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:28 am #

      Dear Mr. Indie,

      Your perceptions match the reality that underpinned this story. Thank for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  17. Chris August 7, 2014 at 8:15 am #

    Eee by gum Doug!

    Where’s the X-rated warning? I might have turned around at the door if only I’d have known. πŸ™‚

    Chris

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:30 am #

      Dear Chris,

      The need for that warning exists only in your mind. My story was just about a little trim. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  18. Maree Gallop August 7, 2014 at 12:12 pm #

    A very evocative and entertaining story on different levels. I really loved the description of the woman.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:31 am #

      Dear Maree,

      Thanks for telling me what you liked and for stopping by to read. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  19. wmqcolby August 7, 2014 at 1:53 pm #

    I need a haircut.
    I need a LOT of things right now after reading this!
    Yikes!

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:32 am #

      Dear Kent,

      Good luck with that haircut. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  20. dianathrelfo August 8, 2014 at 12:21 am #

    A sensual scene very effectively shown through description, sensory details and very clever choice and use of a number of specific words.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:35 am #

      Dear Diana,

      Thank you so much for enjoying my story and for sharing your thoughts and impressions of it. I love it when the writing hits the target aimed for. The only way to tell for sure is to read comments from people like you who take the time to share their thoughts. I appreciate it very much.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  21. Dreamer of Dreams August 8, 2014 at 2:33 am #

    Quite erotic, Doug! You have half the population here all charged up, and the other half grinning or going “hmmm …”
    “Erect?” “press my tip into her warm hands?” “Come again?”
    Really, Doug? Are we being blatantly subtle?
    I LOVED your sensual descriptions, by the way.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:37 am #

      Dear Vijaya,

      Isn’t ‘blatantly subtle’ an oxymoron? If you think I was then I missed my mark. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. I’ll keep trying.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  22. Preeti August 8, 2014 at 7:39 am #

    Clever story Doug!

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:38 am #

      Dear Preeti,

      Thank you very much.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  23. patriciaruthsusausan August 8, 2014 at 11:18 am #

    Doug, I agree that the woman barber knew exactly what she was doing. So did the men who went there. I wonder if any of the wives ever caught on. Maybe some found out, and that was why she left town. Well written as usual. πŸ™‚ —Susan

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:40 am #

      Dear Susan,

      In the real world the wonderful haircutter simply was moving on. I think she had a hankering to turn as many pages as she could in her sensuous and centered life. But yes, she did know exactly what she was doing and never lacked for male customers.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  24. Sarah August 8, 2014 at 12:21 pm #

    Great story! As others have mentioned, I found myself blushing at parts, but loved the description of the way her hair smelled. Gorgeous!

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:41 am #

      Dear Sarah,

      Thank you very much for your kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  25. patrickprinsloo August 8, 2014 at 7:47 pm #

    And I frown as I read this. You bad man.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:42 am #

      Dear Patrick,

      Laughing here. Thanks.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  26. rgayer55 August 9, 2014 at 6:19 pm #

    I hope you gave her directions to Fayetteville, Arkansas before she left the island. The gaping blouse definitely caught my attention.

    • dmmacilroy August 10, 2014 at 10:43 am #

      Dear Russell,

      I’m thinking her blouse was gaping only in your imagination, so, imagine that I gave her your address.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  27. talesfromthemotherland August 10, 2014 at 8:05 pm #

    Perhaps the double entendres were only in my head (although the comments suggest otherwise), but the erotic imagery jumped off the page here. The smells, the touch, the visuals… I was a bit swept away, I must admit.

    • dmmacilroy August 12, 2014 at 9:52 am #

      Dear Dawn,

      And I am swept away by your kind comments. Yes, each word was chosen with care to fit into a story that the reader would write after they’d read mine. I know that you understand what writing an exercise like this is all about and I appreciate that you took the time to tell me your thoughts.

      Aloha,

      Doug

      • talesfromthemotherland August 13, 2014 at 5:41 am #

        Doug, I’m honored that my feedback can sweep you away. I do you understand what goes into this, and I love what you put into it!
        Have a wonderful week,
        Dawn

  28. Nan Falkner August 10, 2014 at 10:27 pm #

    Dear Doug, This would leave any body panting for more. Amazing and it seems like a lot longer story than it is. Well written of course, but, why I’m blushing, Awesome story – You have what it takes to write for both sexes and just touching on the subject – ever so lightly – you arrive at success! Stellar! Nan πŸ™‚

    • dmmacilroy August 12, 2014 at 10:00 am #

      Dear Nan,

      Thank you for such an uplifting comment. I read somewhere that a light touch is better. Don’t ever blush. Life’s way too short. You have to grab it with both hands and…

      I appreciate you taking the time to tell me your thoughts. Input like yours keeps my inkwell full.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  29. lingeringvisions by Dawn August 12, 2014 at 12:46 am #

    OMG..I love it! You had me laughing all the way through. You know I do love craft innuendo πŸ™‚

    • dmmacilroy August 12, 2014 at 10:02 am #

      Dear Dawn,

      Thank you for dropping by to read and comment. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  30. Dee August 12, 2014 at 10:14 am #

    Dear Doug

    I loved this story with its many layers and subtle innuendo. Your stories never disappoint Doug and I look forward each week to see where you will take us.
    Sorry for the late comment, must do better!

    Take care

    Dee

    • dmmacilroy August 12, 2014 at 10:27 am #

      Dearest Dee,

      Please never apologize for a comment’s arrival time. Anytime is a good time. They are gifts, after all, from one writer to another. I am glad that you visited and read and the richer for your kind comment.

      I am the one who should be apologizing. Our Hurricanes, semi-fizzles though they were, took up so much energy that I am still late for last week.

      Aloha,

      Doug

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