100 words for Friday Fictioneers (that cannot be unread) based on the photo prompt below from Randy Mazie. Other stories here, talking goats, et cetera. Enjoy.
“…and I says you can’t,” said Wesley. “It ain’t….natural.”
“’Course you can,” replied Earl. “Ain’t like she’s family.”
“When’d you first…you know…do it?”
“Right after I bought the old Ewing place. Heard her knockin’ round like a poultrygeist under the back porch.”
“Weren’t you scared?”
“Was sort of weird at first, but Jane warmed up to it after a bit.”
“Jane?”
“Like Calamity. She kicked a lot.”
“Well, I’m a believer ” said Wesley, “’Never would’ve thought it, but you’ve convinced me it’s possible to have sex with ghosts.”
Earl scratched his head sheepishly.
“Ghosts?… I thought you said, ‘goats’”.
.
ironwoodwind 
I’m glad I wasn’t drinking my lemonade as I read that, or it may have ended up on the keyboard.
Dear Miss KZebra,
I’m glad you (I think) liked Sex with Ghosts. Thanks for reading.
Aloha,
Doug
Goats or ghosts? sometimes order really matters! This was funny!
Dear Gabriella,
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it very much.
Aloha,
Doug
haha, Doug! I love these two guys and where you take the story – sounds very realistic to me!
Dear Jennifer,
Thank you very much. Thank goodness it was just my imagination, once again….
Aloha,
Doug
Ha! A real laugh out loud moment there, Doug. Well done. I’m trying to remember an old joke now, the one where the punch line was “well you don’t want an ugly one, do you?” Thanks for brightening my day.
I think my first comment was spirited away… thanks for making me laugh. Great imagination!
Oh, wow. Lol. I’m sure that mix up has occurred in real life as well.
Dear Cara,
goodness, i hope not.
Aloha,
Doug
Well done, sir. I cast Cletus the Slack-Jawed yokel from The Simpsons in the lead role!
Dear Ken,
i wish i could have thought of the name ‘Cletus’. Too cool and just right for the story. oh, well… thanks for visiting and commenting.
Aloha’
Doug
Dear Doug,
It appears you have more hillbilly blood than most of us realized. I’ve heard of “stump training” before, so I suppose a cemetery monument could be used for the same purpose.
Ride ’em cowboy (or in this case – goatboy).
Russell
Dear Russell,
I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just because there’s no forks in my family tree doesn’t mean I’m a hillbilly. Thanks for visiting and commenting.
I thought Reintarnation was an absolute gem, Russell.
Aloha,
Doug
ewwwww…but also bust a gut hilarious!!
Dear Carrie,
have to admit I was looking for that ‘eeewww’ reaction. Glad I found it with you.
Aloha,
Doug
I’ve got a suspicion you actually over-heard this conversation and jotted down notes on a beer stained napkin while choking down laughter.
Dear J.K.,
I’ll never tell. Who was it that said, ‘The key to originality is hiding your sources’? Thanks for reading and commenting.
Aloha,
Doug
haha! that was certainly good for a much needed chuckle this morning. Thanks Doug
Dear Mike,
Every now and then I take a wild shot at humor. Thaks for letting me know I came near the target.
Aloha,
Doug
I did NOT see that one coming. My first thought was the same as Carrie’s…”ewwwwww.” 🙂 I like “poultrygeist” and yes, I think this is a calamity for at least one person and one goat.
janet
Dear Janet,
Have to say I was happy to have thought of ‘poultrygeist’. Might have to patent that word.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Aloha,
Doug
Goats or ghosts, I think i will stick with what I know.
Dear Joe,
I once dated a lady who warned me she had acute angina. I told her I hoped so because her butt was saggy as hell. Woke up in the hospital. I stick to what I know now, too. Ghosts or goats, either is preferrable to the alternative.
Aloha,
Doug
Where men are men and goats are worried.
Dear Ron,
It is so nice to see your wheat among the chaff. You should always remember that you are one of the best in this bunch and that the oldtimers in the group look for your stories.
Aloha,
Doug
Dear Doug
I loved the idea of naming a goat after Calamity Jane – (a Doris Day film will never be the same again) – and the poultrygeist was just brilliant. Some imagination at work there!
Still chuckling
Dee
Dear Doug,
Taking us by surprise this week and pulling a joke on us…i laughed reading this and enjoyed this dialogue. well done!
Dear Charles,
Thanks for stopping in to read and comment. I’m glad to see you and happy you were surprised.
Aloha,
Doug
I love that joke, like the guy asking to get his porch painted only to find the painter thought he said his porsche.
Dear Summerstommy,
…or the girl who warned me prior to our date that she had acute angina….
Thaks for reading.
Aloha,
Doug
Aloha Doug,
Outstanding! The sheep are no longer nervous.
Kent
Dear Kent,
Sheep are always nervous. thaks for reading and commenting.
Aloha,
Doug
Okay, now I feel better about what I wrote! Hilarious, darling!
Dear Helena,
What you wrote was marvelous. Neever fear.
Aloha,
Doug
This reminds me of someone inviting me to have dinner with him at the Hongkong Club, and suggesting we meet in the Bed-room, I demurred, so he suggested the Blue Room. It turned out he’d suggested the Red Room.
I liked the poultrygeist for added colour…..
Dear Valerie,
Thanks for visiting and commenting. Your story is much better than mine. I do admit to being totally taken by the picture of the cute kid among the gravestones. Couldn’t resist trying to work in that hackneyed punchline at the end. Re Poultrygeist; thank you for noticing that tidbit. Was trying to add subliminal touches throughout, even down to the ‘Ewing’ place. I’m afraid I’ve stirred up a lot of old ghosts for the men of Friday Fictioneers and reinforced the bad impressions of them by the the women of same.
Getting out of here while the getting is good.
Kia ora,
Doug
Hee hee…
Dear Carol,
What a time to check up on me. (thanks for doing so)
aloha,
Doug
That was just the right moment Doug, you are, as ever, a man with a great sense of humor and irony twisted together just so…
🙂
Carol
Either one — ghosts or goats — glad I’m not that desperate. Wait a minute! Am I?
Dear Perry,
let me know which one is better. Thanks for visiting.
Aloha,
Doug
Oh, you are baaaaad!
P.S. Loved “poultrygeist”!
Dear Jan,
Thanks for that. I kind of liked it, too.
Aloha,
Doug
That was disgusting! And SO funny. Good job. The dialog really moved the work.
Dear Linda,
i’m glad you were disgusted. I was feeling rather impish during the writing of Sex with Ghosts. Forgive me.
Aloha,
Doug
D’oh! I couldn’t help laughing out loud on that last line. 🙂
Dear David,
good luck with that Korean test. Thaks for visiting.
Aloha,
Doug
Oh! That’s a great zinger at the end. You caught me looking one way and you went another. Clever soul, and superbly written.
Dear EagleAye,
Thak you for enjoying my story. Readers like you keep my laantern full and my wick trimmed.
Aloha,
Doug
Literally LOLing! Great way to start my day–with a chuckle, of course, and not, well, you know. 😉
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/judas-goats/
Dear Maggie,
Glad you liked it. Thanks for visiting.
Aloha,
Doug
Hilarious.. and next question.. are ther goat ghosts?
Dear Bjorn,
I’m guessing there are. Double jeopardy, i guess.
Aloha,
Doug
Poultrygeists! Best made up word this week! Wonderfully fun, Doug.
Dear Erin,
Thank you for giving the nod of approval to ‘poultrygeist’. And for visiting, reading and commenting so nicely.
Aloha,
Doug
Well, I laughed out loud, Doug, loved it!
lol. oh god,this was hilarious 🙂
lol. The things we mis-hear. Lovely conversation – could really feel Earl’s embarrassment at the end. Can’t imagine what Wesley does next.
When I get done cackling with laughter…. Really seriously enjoyed this one in a really seriously sick way! HAHHHhhhhaaaaa!