Gag Me with a Spoon

14 Sep

Last gasp 100 words for Madison Woods Friday Fictioneers inspired by  a photograph taken by Rochelle Wisoff Fields. This is the text of a fever dream and the keeping of a promise that few will fathom. Because of this I recommend you save the energy you would have used to comment to instead read some of the other stories and tell them what you think. Trust me when I say that I won’t mind. I’ve tried never to waste your time and I appreciate all weekends you’ve dropped by to read. Seriously, relax this week. Nothing to see here. Move along…

“I can’t stand any more,” she said.

“Me?” he asked gently.

“No,” she intoned. “Them.”


She nodded weakly. “And all the rest…”

She sagged in his arms, the life going out of her. He wanted to tell her to fight back, to resist, but he, too, had been overwhelmed by the weight of their numbers. They just kept coming.

“Werewolves, vampires, faeries….Can’t they see what they’re doing?… Will they ever learn?”

“Sshh,” he said quietly.  “The Spiders will hear you.”

Her breath rasped one last time. She squeezed his arm. He bent low to listen.

“Beautiful imagery,” she whispered.

39 Responses to “Gag Me with a Spoon”

  1. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields September 14, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    Hi Doug,
    You really didn’t expect me to just move on without some comment, did you? First, thanks for getting the H out of Wisoff. I am amused and will Wise-Off the beaten track of the masses.

    • dmmacilroy September 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm #

      Dear Rochelle,

      Euthanasia is spot on perfect. Good job this week.



  2. unspywriter September 14, 2012 at 11:44 am #

    Seriously, not comment on good stuff. That’s asking a bit much. 😉

    Here’s mine:

    • dmmacilroy September 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm #

      Dear Maggie,

      Found yours. Hope you get away.



  3. billgncs September 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

    I agree with Rochelle — we are bound by this macabre thread, I mean web of….. internet friendship and… zombies…. and sometimes beautiful imagery….


    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:24 am #

      She’s right, Bill.



  4. Running from Hell with El September 14, 2012 at 12:49 pm #

    Not comment?!! After that closing sentence, “Beautiful imagery.” Hmm. Too interesting not to comment. You know, I recently read a friend’s book in the urban fantasy genre (vampires, fairies, zombies, etc.). It was very hard for me to get past the monsters to the excellent substance of the book. There is so much darkness in the real world. I have trouble understanding the creation of an alternate universe that is based on evildoing. Talk soon.

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:39 am #

      Dear El,

      I think some people haven’t even come close to experiencing the dark side in this world so they invent other worlds and different darknesses where they are in control of the outcome. The real world contains all the light and dark there ever will be. You are the light. Remember.



  5. elmowrites September 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

    Haven’t a clue what you’re on about. Terrible story. Stop writing immediately! I can’t believe you wasted my time with this trash!


    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:27 am #

      Dear Jen,

      Neither do I. You’re right. Never! I can.

      😛 back at you, with a grin thrown in for good measure.



  6. TheOthers1 September 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm #

    The title made me laugh. I immediately thought of the early 90s and Valley girls. “As if” “Whatever”. My brain short-circuited for a moment as I traveled down that road. I found your story interesting though; same with your tags.

    I storied, but didn’t link this week:

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:22 am #

      Dear CC,

      Laughter is good, isn’t it? When the Chinese want to curse someone, they say, “May you live in interesting times.” I know what you mean. Nice commentary.



  7. sustainabilitea September 14, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

    Hey, don’t take my husband’s Zeds’ names in vain!! 🙂 I saw this as a spoof on all our posts and comments–feeling overwhelmed because there are so many to read and so little time, the sci-fi bent of the group as a whole, the what-to-say-about-the-post “Beautiful imagery”, etc. As for the title, “Like wow, man, ya know!” 🙂

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:13 am #

      Dear Ms. Tea,

      I stand in awe of your perception, which is matched only by your tolerance for my feeble stab at humor this week. No offense intended. (tell your husband I kind of like the term Zed.)



      • sustainabilitea September 15, 2012 at 11:45 am #

        No offense taken; I do but jest as do you. However, I may never be able to use “beautiful imagery” again. 🙂

  8. Kathy McClure September 14, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

    You have cool dreams.

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:06 am #

      Dear Kathy,

      You have cool comments.

      I’ll be walking your way soon.



  9. Paul September 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    This is a non- comment. I don’t have the time to waste with a real comment but I see that 8 others do. I wish I had that many ardent followers who would comment no matter what I post. Maybe if I tell them not to comment, they will? They’re an ornery lot who don’t like being told what to do. Or not do!

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:02 am #

      Dear Paul.

      I tried.



      • elmowrites September 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm #

        Too right, Paul. 31 responses (I’ve just made it 32, darnit!) when he asks for none? Our friend Doug is either too popular for his own good, or a genius at reverse-psychology. I’d try it myself, but somehow I don’t think it would work for me!!!

  10. susielindau September 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

    Bound by love, but held by a sticky web, their only escape through beauty….

  11. Russell September 14, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    Now you know how I felt last week. I should have used the “move along” comment. I hope you were satsified with this week’s offering.

    Now, to the non-comment. What were you thinking? This is so far over my head I don’t know what to say. I’m going to have to teach you to write on a hillbilly, fourth-grade level. Just close one eye and think happy thoughts.

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 10:01 am #

      Dear Russell,

      Thanks for not commenting. Your story this week was over the top lunacy and my hat’s off to you, king of belly laughs, secure on your lawn chair throne. I will be studying on you an’ thinkin’ happy thoughts. (Headed back to fourth grade in the meantime.)



  12. bridgesareforburning September 14, 2012 at 5:42 pm #

    Hi Doug,
    This is not a comment. It’s commentary. You didn’t say anything about that. THis was one of the most brilliant uses of reverse psychology I’ve ever seen, worthy of a submarine captain. And we are overrun with these creatures of all kinds. Thanks for allowing commentary. Ron

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 9:42 am #

      Dear Ron,

      You sir, are a breath of fresh air blowing across the blighted landscape of the Big Smoke. Thank you for your cogent commentary. Van Helsing would be proud.



  13. keliwright September 14, 2012 at 10:53 pm #

    Well, dang. This is nothing? Very funny. And haven’t we all felt this way, even those of us who write that stuff? Last line–fabulous. Btw, I’ve written a YA paranormal romance, if you are interested… 😉

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 9:37 am #

      Dear Keil,

      You mean it wasn’t just me all this time? Always interested. Is it out there somewhere accessible? Thanks for the last line props. I will find your story.



      • keliwright September 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

        I was joking. Although I have written a YAPR, it is still early in editing and may never see the light of–at the risk of being cliche or untrue to my genre–day. You will be relieved to know it has no vampires, werewolves, zombies, fairies, etc., and it’s not actually a romance according to the industry definition. 🙂

  14. sustainabilitea September 15, 2012 at 4:10 am #

    This is a non-comment on your story but just wanted you to know that I’m missing you and hoping things are OK.

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 9:32 am #

      Dear Sustainibilitea,

      Mahalo for your kindness.

      Things are okay. Headed your way soon.



      • sustainabilitea September 15, 2012 at 11:46 am #

        I’ll look forward to your read and your comments. I hope things are better then OK soon.

  15. Atiya W Townes (@AtiyaWTownes) September 15, 2012 at 7:19 am #

    This is me not commenting on how cool that story was. This is me moving along. Awesome story I like the “Beautiful Imagery” part.

    • dmmacilroy September 15, 2012 at 9:25 am #

      Dear Atiya,

      Thanks for not commenting. I appreciate you moving along (and thanks for saying you enjoyed the story. I promise I’ll find yours as soon as I can.)



  16. Adam Ickes September 17, 2012 at 1:49 am #

    Have a nice day, Doug! <- See! I didn't mention that rubbish you wrote at all.

    • rochellewisoff September 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

      Adam, you are a class act! Beautiful imagery.

  17. vbholmes September 20, 2012 at 12:06 pm #

    “Beautiful imagery,” she whispered”, as she watched the Spiders finish their web. She held out her arms as it dropped over them and the arachnids tightened their threads. Her lover clasped her to him, and with his dying breath, sarcastically repeated her words, “beautiful imagery indeed.”
    I apologize for intruding in your story, but as it was written in jest and you all but demanded sacrilege, I couldn’t resist adding further emphasis to your clever parody. What can I say? “The devil made me do it….”

    • dmmacilroy September 20, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

      Dear VB,

      I’m glad my story made you add further emphasis. it needed it. Thanks for stopping by. Aloha,


      • vbholmes September 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

        Hi Doug,
        It didn’t need it at all–it’s a great story which is why I couldn’t resist reacting to your entreaties to “save the energy you would have used to comment to instead read some of the other stories….” I not only read your story but fantasized about it. Then the devil made me share.

  18. brainsnorts April 5, 2014 at 9:17 pm #

    heh heh.

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