Waiting on a Moment

27 Jul

100 word love story for Madison Wood’s Friday Fictioneers inspired by the photo prompt below and a little of bit of this song.

Still working on last week’s comments and reading. (You’ve created a monster, Madison! Have to go get some  more torches.) Aloha, D.

 

“…Happens like that sometimes. Strong signal and then all of a sudden dead air. Leaves you wondering….”

“How will I know?”

“Oh, you’ll know, son. Sweetest, most amazing feeling. Like rain in the desert.”

“And if not?”

“Then one day you’ll understand she’s been telling you all along. Meantime, remember there’s a reason we have two ears and one mouth.”

“I miss her, Dad.”

“As you should if she’s half the person you think she is. Not much else to do except keep the glass of your life totally full. The right woman will come to drink sooner or later.”

 

 

58 Responses to “Waiting on a Moment”

  1. Parul at 10:58 am #

    Good Advice! 🙂

  2. Neil at 11:07 am #

    beautiful in its simplicity.

    • dmmacilroy at 11:09 am #

      Dear Neil,

      Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  3. The Writers Village at 11:21 am #

    Nice story. I had to read it several times to get the full impact and flavor. Like the lid for every pot, made me appreciate my fulfillment(s) in life from those who shared my glass and those who shared with me.. aloha Doug

    • dmmacilroy at 11:32 am #

      Thanks for taking the time to read more than once. I must have revised the story about forty times so it’s nice to know you appreciate the effort.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  4. rochellewisoff at 11:21 am #

    Aw. How very sweet…bittersweet. Heavy on the back story, Love the ending line. I hope the son opens his two ears to listen. But maybe he should do something to pursue the lady he misses. Just a thought. Nonetheless, beautifully written as always. (What? No snakes?)
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    • rochellewisoff at 11:22 am #

      for your other readers:
      http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/07/snarl.html
      Now it’s off to slap icing on cake.

    • dmmacilroy at 11:34 am #

      Dear Rochelle,

      Thanks for reading. I hear you re doing something. Always options and faint heart never won fair maiden, right? Enjoy the cakes. You’re soon to be elsewhere during the day.

      Aloha,

      Doug

      • rochellewisoff at 11:16 pm #

        Working toward that end.

  5. unspywriter at 12:26 pm #

    Wonderful advice, so real, and echoed in my memory, except my Dad said, “You’ll know the right one when he comes along.” In such a short space, a wonderful exposition of a deep family relationship.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/shadows/

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 12:42 pm #

      Dear Maggie,

      Thanks for such a nice comment. I’m grateful for your sharp insights and appreciate the feedback.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  6. Sandra at 12:27 pm #

    I hate it when I don’t ‘get’ the drift. It’s the line ‘how will I know?’ that’s throwing me. I read it that his girl has gone off the boy, but that line didn’t fit with my take. Am I being obtuse here? (I’ve got toothache, maybe it’s thrown my brain out of kilter). Whatever, the voices here are spot on – nice to see a son listening to a bit of fatherly advice too… 😉

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 12:40 pm #

      Dear Sandra,

      If the student hasn’t learned then the teacher hasn’t taught. Your inability to comprehend is most likely due to my tendency to leave as much as possible unspoken, yet there to see because I have drawn everything surrounding the object not described.

      The question the son is asking is, ‘how will I know it when she loves me?’ And yes, there has been a disconnect between the two. he doesn’t understand why and his father knows that perhaps his son should listen more now that he has made his feeling known to her. Love when you’re lonely is as elusive as a dentist when you’re in pain, ‘eh?

      Good luck with your malady. Get well soon and dangle your feet in the water for me.

      Aloha,

      Doug

      • rgayer55 at 4:32 pm #

        I glad Sandra spoke up, because I didn’t fully ‘get it’ either. But that’s not uncommon for me. Sometimes at our critique group there will be a line in a story that goes right over the top of my silver noggin that everyone else in the room seems to understand. I often wonder if there are others who are also in the dark, but too polite to say so.

  7. As always, a very fine story, Doug. His dad’s wisdom is spot on. 🙂

    We’re here: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/elixir

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 9:07 pm #

      Dear Joanna,

      Wisdom is what we learn from years of bad decision making. Does it ever come easy? I guess nothing worth having does.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  8. Running from Hell with El at 1:25 pm #

    Beautiful writing, my friend.

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 9:15 pm #

      Dearest El,

      Would like to thank you as you once thanked me. Coming from someone I respect so much, your comment means a great deal to me. (Do you have any idea what a good writer you are, El? You’ve got two ears and you use them. It shows because when you do speak, your voice is strong and clear and heart wrenchingly concise.)

      I am glad you stopped in to read and comment. (You’re the only person outside of the FF bunch that does. I’m in the groove for ‘nothing is said until the artist is dead’ fame. Late starts will do that:)

      Much Aloha, El,

      Doug

  9. Matthieu Boon at 1:30 pm #

    It took me a couple of reads as well. Mind you, I’ve just started trying to write short stories and English is not my native language (Dutch is) so that might have something to do with not getting it at first. After your response to Sandra I DO get it. And I like it a lot. Thanks.

    I’d appreciate for anyone to read and comment on my take of the FF:
    http://booninblik.nl/blog/2012/07/27/friday-fictioneers-the-last-drop/

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 9:16 pm #

      Dear Matthieu,

      Anyone brave enough to write in a second language get hi marks from me. Thanks for stopping in and reading. I’ll be headed your way shortly and am looking forward to what I’ll find.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  10. claireful at 1:40 pm #

    Really lovely Doug. Very tender.
    Claire

  11. Mike at 2:08 pm #

    Another great story Doug.
    Not only a good read but good advice as well.

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 9:19 pm #

      Hi Mike,

      Thanks. Years of bad judgement, ‘eh? I’m primed and ready for my next life. Glass way full, but leaky.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  12. readinpleasure at 2:39 pm #

    Another unique and creative take on the prompt. quite out of the box, Doug but lovely. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/fridayfictioneers-aqua-madness/

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 9:54 pm #

      Dear Celestine,

      Your story, Aqua Madness, probes a subject that all would do well to learn about.

      Thank you for reading and commenting on mine. I appreciate that you take the time to do so.

      Yours, from the desert,

      With Aloha,

      Doug

  13. Carrie at 4:57 pm #

    An enjoyable, realistic conversation. I could picture the father and son sitting together.

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 9:55 pm #

      Dear Carrie,

      Thanks for immersing yourself in the moment and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  14. Jan Morrill at 6:53 pm #

    I “got” it, because my daughter is in the shoes of this son. Beautiful and simple passage.

    –Jan
    http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/fictioneers-flashfriday-gone-dry/

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 10:04 pm #

      Dear Jan,

      Did you notice the similarities between your story and mine? Gone Dry was exactly what I was thinking when I started writing yesterday.

      Great minds? (Well, yours is, at least:)

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  15. bridgesareforburning at 7:55 pm #

    Hi Doug,
    Nice father-son interaction here. This is the second one like this you’ve done recently, and I really like the dynamic between these characters.
    Ronb

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 10:06 pm #

      Hi Ron,

      Yes, I am like a time machine. God, if I could go back and talk to myself at an earlier age! (And whenever I think that, I have to tell myself to talk to me NOW! And then I have to do the hard work of listening.)

      Thanks for reading and commenting here. I’m off to find yours now.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  16. Janet at 7:55 pm #

    Loved this story Doug and read it several times. Learning about love is oh so bittersweet. Love the image of the full cup. I might save that one for a talk with my kids when they’re older.

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 10:09 pm #

      Dear Janet,

      And I’m still learning…

      I hope your children listen well.

      Thanks for reading and commenting here.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  17. elmowrites at 9:23 pm #

    Another great rendering of the father-son relationship and advice from the former. I had to read it a couple of times to really know what was happening, but that’s just my slow brain. Fantastic word-smithery.
    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/friday-fictioneers-fix-it/

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 10:17 pm #

      Dear Jen,

      I just read Fix It and loved it and said so in your comment section. Slow brain, indeed. Not you.

      Thanks for reading mine and taking the time to comment.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  18. Lora Mitchell at 9:29 pm #

    Aloha Doug…I knew exactly what you meant by the line ‘how will I know’…I wish I had someone like him in my youth to help sort out the mysteries of love. Would have made things so much easier. I had to sort if out all by myself and didn’t always do a very good job.

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 10:20 pm #

      Dear Lora,

      If you got things sorted even a little you did better than most, including me. When I think of why I can write what I did I am reminded of the old Germanic saying (which was on the side of my mother’s tape dispenser when I was young) ‘Ve grow too soon alt, und too late schmart.”

      Thanks for reading and commenting here.

      Aloha,

      Doug

      • rochellewisoff at 11:21 pm #

        Und dat boyz and girlz is vat is called life.

  19. Kwadwo at 11:33 pm #

    I like the metaphorical use of the prompt and the advice:

    “…keep the glass of your life totally full. The right woman will come to drink sooner or later.”

    • Douglas MacIlroy at 11:47 pm #

      Dear Kwadwo,

      And she will, too.

      Thanks for stopping in and reading…and for leaving a comment. i appreciate it.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  20. sustainabilitea at 12:25 am #

    Doug, I like it very much. Excellent advice and well-written.

  21. newpillowbook at 12:57 am #

    Good advice, whatever happens. You eased into the situation so smoothly – I like Dad’s voice and his love of metaphors.

  22. sphrbn at 2:55 am #

    A good moral in this piece, which I like.
    Letting you know also, that I have nominated you for the one Lovely Blog Award, the link is here: http://sphrbn.wordpress.com/2012/07/28/one-lovely-blog-award/

  23. Beautiful writing, awesome little tale..x

  24. Madison Woods at 7:29 pm #

    This was a profound exchange between father and son and I loved the quiet way you portrayed it.

  25. raina at 7:18 am #

    Very lovely Doug, I really liked the exchange and the frankness…

  26. Adam Ickes at 4:51 pm #

    Another wonderful slice of life, Doug. Well done.

  27. Gilly Gee at 5:14 pm #

    Excellent Doug, you are so accomplished.

  28. vbholmes at 9:18 pm #

    I like “Strong signal and then all of a sudden dead air”. How many times has that happened at the beginning of a relationship? Your best advice is “remember there’s a reason we have two ears and one mouth.” Good communication is what nourishes lovers, families , friends and rational adversaries.

  29. Linda at 7:32 am #

    I’m always amazed at the way you manage to capture a moment that everyone has experienced at some point but put it across in such a delicate way Doug. I too had to read it several times before I got it, but then that’s the art of a great story-teller – allowing the reader to do some of the work for themselves too. Brilliant. 🙂

  30. Beautiful story! I read it a couple of times and each time got more out of it.

    • dmmacilroy at 8:49 am #

      Dear S.Marina,

      Thanks for taking the time to read Waiting on a Moment and then commenting so nicely. I knew going into that story that people were going to have to work a bit to tease out the ‘between the lines’ bits. I appreciate you sifting multiple times.

      Off to investigate your site now.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  31. Dear Doug,

    I spent Friday-Sunday appreciating nature as I camped along the North Form Nooksack at the foot of mighty Mount Baker…so, I am a bit behind in my fictioning.

    The true gem of your story, in my eyes, is the fact that the son can talk to his father about “women troubles.” If the younger heeds the elders advice, he will find his cool drink of water.

    ~Susan

    P.S. Two ears and one mouth…one of my favorite (and unfortunately most underused) bits of advice.

  32. samantharoteeta at 11:25 am #

    Reblogged this on Samantha Teet Summary.

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