Roadkill

13 Jul

100 words for Madison Woods’ FridayFictioneers, whose excellent stories for your consideration can be found here. Please read and comment or come back as a buzzard. You heard the term New York Minute? This story happens well inside one and has a happy ending for some but not such a nice one for one high powered lawyer. As the punchline to the old joke goes, ‘It’s a good start.’ Apologies to Jen at Elmowrites, in case she feels a lingering loyalty to the good men and women in her former profession. (Damn few.) And thanks to Russell Gayer who reads all of the fine print. I know he’s going to have a field day with the photo prompt below. If you’re pressed for time, be sure to read Craig Towsley’s story this week. Bullet to the bone type writing. Okay, okay, guess I better hit ‘post’ and then start reading everyone’s stuff. Aloha, D.

Intersection of Wall Street and Nassau, crossing against light, hurrying to Mineo’s for lunch while pulling the trigger by cell phone on a hostile takeover. Usual carnage will ensue; lives ripped apart, life savings in stocks gone, pensions zeroed out. Losers. Joke’em if they can’t take a fu…

Tortured shriek rends air. Double-decker sightseeing bus headed from Stock Exchange to the pit at the World Trade Center judders toward me, tires smoking, driver’s hands white knuckled, Japanese guy in the front seat taking pictures. Final thought precedes windshield through my mind, ushers me in excruciating pain into next life.

Vultures.

47 Responses to “Roadkill”

  1. TheOthers1 July 13, 2012 at 9:16 am #

    The Japanese tourist taking pictures cracked me up a good bit. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re not a fan of lawyers. He seemed a little cold blooded anyway.

    Your story is very different from all the others I’ve read. Enjoyable for me, not so much for the road kill lawyer.

  2. Joanna (Lazuli Portals) July 13, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    As always, a great story – deeply satisfying to see one of the vultures encounter his final ‘just dessert’. Your phrase ‘pulling the trigger by cell phone’ reflects the hard-edged and remote power-play – I like.

    I’m here: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/tideline-transition

  3. rochellewisoff July 13, 2012 at 9:50 am #

    I’m stunned wordless. The title leads me to think one thing and then, blam! As I’ve told you this one strikes a nerve because I have a daughter in law who came very close to perishing on 9-11. The images and juxtaposition of words in this short piece zap through me with an electric charge.
    Thanks, Doug. You never disappoint.

  4. writelindy July 13, 2012 at 10:52 am #

    Great story Doug. A good build up of tension and creative use of the prompt. One of my favourites.

  5. Mike July 13, 2012 at 10:53 am #

    Another great story Doug.
    A really interesting and unusual take on the prompt.
    So much to take in in just 100 words.
    Thanks for a great read.

  6. raina July 13, 2012 at 11:14 am #

    another nice one Doug. I enjoyed it. Our stories are on the list.

    http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/

  7. Sandra July 13, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    Very, very crisp dialogue here, together with a convincing ‘voice’. Nice one Doug – well done.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/every-cloud-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/

    • Sandra July 13, 2012 at 11:17 am #

      Not ‘dialogue’ (what’s wrong with me today!!!!). I meant ‘narrative’.

      • Douglas MacIlroy July 13, 2012 at 11:23 am #

        No worries, Sandra, I do context reading really well and knew what you meant. . Thanks for stopping by and noting the ‘voice’. I was striving for that and it’s nice to know I came near to hitting the mark.

        Aloha,

        Doug

  8. mysocalledDutchlife July 13, 2012 at 11:41 am #

    “…precedes windshield through my mind…” – wow! Great pace (feels like the bus careering towards him) and packed with information. It really builds to the crescendo!

    I’m here (thanks for stopping by already, Doug): http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/canyon-ff-friday-the-13th-of-july-12/

  9. readinpleasure July 13, 2012 at 11:51 am #

    A well written and imaginative take on the prompt, Doug, As usual, well done. Thanks for commenitng on mine. I’m here and linked for others: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/fridayfictioneers-spectators/

  10. Claire 'Word by Word' July 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

    Ok, I think I just watched a flash piece of a movie Doug. Can’t believe how much you got into that hundred. I’m joining you all this week with my own Cormac McCarthy inspired piece of a buzzard. Enjoy.

    http://wp.me/s1nUrn-buzzard

  11. flyoverhere July 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

    He died like he lived…perfect. I have never been to NYC to you took me there in an instant.

  12. unspywriter July 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

    And a well-deserved end for a financial vulture! 😉 Loved it.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/aftertherapture/

  13. Craig Towsley July 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    Short sentences stab at the reader sand we are thankful for the wounds they leave. Brilliant as always Doug.

    (also thank you very much for the props. Appreciate it)

  14. sustainabilitea July 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

    I guess the most thorough thing I could say would be, “Dittos” to what everyone else wrote. It was punchy, which I thought conveyed the attitude of the writer perfectly; you got lots into your 100+/- words, and left me feeling just a little bit that the writer reaped just rewards (but not really; I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.)

  15. Jeffrey Hollar July 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm #

    What a delightfully metaphorical take on the prompt. I especially liked the way that the character indicated his busy and distracted manner by not even bothering to think in complete sentences. I suppose, lawyers and stockbrokers are buzzards of a sort, eh?

  16. Lora Mitchell July 13, 2012 at 5:46 pm #

    I live in NYC…my hi-rise windows face what used to be the World Trade Center…I’m inviting FFers to come and visit the new “memorial” towers…for they are beautiful…However your story brought to mind … that greedy, criminal, Bernie Madoff…we all know where he ended up and will remain ’til the end of his days.

  17. Laura L Mays Hoopes July 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

    Very interesting take on the prompt. I love the verb “judders” and the imagery throughout the piece is very strong. Reminded me a bit of Tobias Wolfe’s “Bullet to the Brain” with the jerk’s reflections near death.
    cheers,
    Lorelei
    http://www.westcoastwriters.blogspot.com

  18. Kathy McClure July 13, 2012 at 7:31 pm #

    Having walked that street many times, and seen the like of that lawyer many times, it was kind of like old home week, but with karma — or busma. Loved the tone!

    Good to see you again,
    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/someday/

  19. Susan Wenzel (@SusanWenzel) July 13, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

    Hey Doug…what do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? Huh, huh, huh?? A good start!

    I always like a good comeuppance piece. Good stuff…very good stuff! A vulture soon to be consumed by vultures.

    ~Susan (I commented on you last week’s work as well)
    (www.susanwenzel.com)

  20. rgayer55 July 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    Just sitting here filing my beak, waiting for you to ripen in the hot sun. Whoever said patience is a virtue never had to fight off armadillos and possums for roadkill. But in the end they always get theirs, and like you say, “Joke ’em if they can’t take a fu…”

    Thanks for mentioning me in the drops. Drop by when you get a minute.
    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

  21. rgayer55 July 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm #

    Oops. Typo in the my comment. Meant to say ‘props’ not ‘drops’ Oh well, that’s what happens when your talons need a buzzacure.

  22. boomiebol July 14, 2012 at 3:19 am #

    Another great take on this…well done. Mine is here if you get a chance
    http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/07/12/the-new-character-friday-fictioneers-713/#comment-6184

  23. thedevelopmentactivist July 14, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    Great response. Very tight and tense and full of rage and energy. Good writing too. Original, hard nosed and got me involved straight away. And all in just a few words. Fantastic.

    • dmmacilroy July 14, 2012 at 10:58 am #

      Dear Harvey,

      Thanks for reading and commenting. You give good feedback and I appreciate it. (Good as in detailed and informative:)

      Aloha,

      Doug

  24. Ilyan Kei Lavanway July 14, 2012 at 10:46 am #

    Very creative story. Fitting parallel between buzzards and corrupt lawyers, and the carnage surrounding each of them.

    Thanks for visiting mine. And you are right, I am probably already on his list.

    http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/07/12/malignant-narcissist-by-ilyan-kei-lavanway-for-madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-100-word-flash-fiction/

    • dmmacilroy July 14, 2012 at 10:54 am #

      Dear Ilyan,

      Thanks for visiting, reading and taking the time to comment. I look forward to reading more of your work and will write to you in prison.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  25. newpillowbook July 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm #

    Brilliantly written! The internal monologue is beautifully done, with the transition from the self-absorbed, self-satisfied, selfish narrator’s thoughts to his sudden awareness of the rest of the world around him. And then the last word (that fits both parties, though he doesn’t see it) wraps up the story perfectly.

    • dmmacilroy July 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

      Dear Sharon,

      Thanks for taking the time to read Roadkill and comment so nicely. I’m glad you enjoyed the ride.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  26. life in relation to art July 14, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    I enjoyed reading this very much. It has wit, timing, and punchy sarcasm. Thanks, Doug.

  27. JKBradley July 14, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    Very well done. My favorite detail had to be the Japanese guy in the front seat taking pictures. I could see his lense coming fast capturing each frame in rapid succession which essentially slowed the entire accident down for me, the glass slowly splintering away as the body caved in the windshield before ultimately being catapulted through space and time into his next being. Nice.

    • Douglas MacIlroy July 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

      Dear JK,

      That guy was probably the most realistic part of the whole story. I’m glad you liked it. Thanks very much for taking the time to make my morning.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  28. tedstrutz July 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    A+ for using judders

    • Douglas MacIlroy July 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm #

      Thanks Ted, I appreciate you noticing tiny details like that. It’s a good word, too.

      Are you on the Big Island yet? In Volcano? July is speeding by. Stay in touch, okay?

      Aloha,

      Doug

  29. Robert Gregory July 14, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

    Exciting story! Karma is a bi… 🙂

  30. Jan Brown July 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm #

    Masterful writing, great details, satisfying conclusion!

    Always a pleasure!

  31. Kwadwo July 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm #

    Ouch! I bet he didn’t expect his day end like that, let alone his life.

    http://logo-ligi.com/2012/07/12/soliloquy-of-a-disgruntled-raven/

  32. Madison Woods July 14, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

    It drives me nuts to be on the bandwagon, but I really liked the little detail about the Japanese photographer in the front seat. It was like walking down that street inside the man’s head and I’m glad I’m not always inhabiting that kind of space.

    When my son first started truck driving he took a wrong turn off the interstate in NYC and found himself stuck at an intersection unable to complete the turn. The main problem he had were the tourists who were busy snapping pictures of him! He was so embarrassed and had to get a police escort out of there, haha.

  33. ron pruitt July 14, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

    Hi Doug,
    I’m glad somebody finally did something bad to a wall street type, given how badly they have misbehaved. So much good sharp detail here, you create a beautiful word portrait. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story.
    Ron

  34. The Blazing Trail July 15, 2012 at 8:37 pm #

    Hi! I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award http://wp.me/p27eXb-8p Best Wishes!

  35. Sonia Lal July 16, 2012 at 12:10 am #

    Damn. Very nice!

  36. Parul July 16, 2012 at 5:32 am #

    Hi!
    I have nominated you for “One Lovely Blog” Award.
    http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/i-feel-lovely/
    Happy Writing! 🙂
    Parul

  37. Brian Benoit July 16, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

    “Joke’em if they can’t take a fu…” — I liked that switch there. And interesting choice of sights the tourists are seeing, Wall Street and the World Trade Center — bit of a message there perhaps. I liked it.

  38. nyparrot July 17, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

    I have my own… not so fine memories that words ‘Wall Street’ arise… or well:)

  39. elmowrites July 19, 2012 at 11:14 am #

    Here’s what I would say, if I were still speaking to you after that…
    Great piece here, Doug. You totally drag us into this guy’s head and give us the scene from a unique point of view. I love the “pulling the trigger” line and the last word too. And thank you for the free link at the top! Sorry it took me so long to stop by.
    HOWEVER
    I’m not speaking to you. “Damn few” indeed. Humph!

    • dmmacilroy July 19, 2012 at 11:29 am #

      Dear Jen,

      Thought I’d lost you forever with this one. Thanks for finally coming round. ( I know you were busy somewhere, doing something for someone so I forgive you. Can you forgive me?)

      Aloha,

      Doug

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