I was out on the lawn minding my own business when a couple dozen words fell out of the sky and landed on my 100 word story for Madison Woods’ FridayFictioneers. (Her story is here. Please comment and leave a link for your story. And remember that our ranks are growing so it’ll take time to get to all of them. [Patience is a virtue few have and even fewer learn. I read that somewhere.])(My apologies to those I didn’t get to last week. I really am trying.) I decided to use the windfall in this week’s submission and my publicist, Glenda, agreed. So here it is, based on the picture below, extra words and all. Hope you like it. Aloha, D.
P.S. This story is partly for Russell G. Enjoy.
The funnel cloud writhed, sinuous and silent above rich Illinois farmland. Huge tree limbs and debris suspended aloft circled the great grey gyre that bent all to its will.
“If you’re going to stay up here, say hello to the Wizard for me,” screamed my wife as she disappeared down the cellar stairs. She was a miserable shrew and a total control freak who, over the years, had become oil to my water.
“Courage,” I heard Bert Lahr intone.
A quarter mile away the maelstrom’s tip lowered and I saw a blue flash as the Baum’s power line snapped just before their house was blown to splinters and the roar of a thousand locomotives filled the air.
My last thought before everything went dark was that, like it or not, the witch was finally going to have to get some new wallpaper for the living room.
ironwoodwind 
Ah Doug, great words and images, and a right hook of a punchline. Well done.
Dear Craig,
Thanks. As Madison says, “I’m headed your way now.”
Aloha,
Doug
So great! Loved how the Baum’s were included. Great touch. Here’s mine: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/amontillado/
Hi Maggie,
I’m glad you noticed. Thanks for reading. headed to yours now. (Trying to ride the tsunami before sleep takes me. This thing always starts at midnight Hawaii Standard Time and kicks my arse. By the time I wake up I’m miles behind.)
Aloha,
Doug
I hope he is looking out from OZ, and she is in turmoil! 🙂 mine is here http://oldentimes.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/old-wallpaper-friday-fictioneers/
Hi Oldentimes,
Thanks for reading and commenting. (And it was a very cool comment, too:) Headed your way now.
Aloha,
Doug
Nice one, Doug — a light-hearted suicide. Very nice description in the first paragraph, and a great imaginative leap from the prompt.
Hi Carlos!
Thanks for dropping in (No pun intended.) (I’ll bet that’s what the witch of the east would have said to Dorothy had she been standing a little bit farther to the left.)
Aloha,
Doug
Hahaha, I can’t believe I laughed as someone strode nearly gratefully into death! I think Russell will definitely get a kick out of that one, LOL.
Dear Madison,
Thanks for laughing. Best compliment in the world. (Now go to work!)
Aloha,
Doug
Hahaha. Thanks for the giggle. Yes, we are joined at the hip on this one. Love the Wizard of Oz references.
My pleasure, Rochelle!
Aloha,
Doug
What a fun story. I can see insanity radiating from his eyes as the tornado hit. I can’t help feel a little bit for the wife, something tell me her spouse wouldn’t have been the easiest person to live with. Very well done!
Mines at http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/2012/05/may-4th-friday-fictioneers-youre-insane.html
Dear Jess,
As is often the case in relationships, it takes two to tango. (Can’t have slaughter without the laughter.) Thanks for stopping in and welcome to the gang.
Aloha,
Doug
Dear Doug,
I burst out laughing when got to “like it or not.” If you keep writing humor like this, I going to start wearing Depends when I visit your blog. You led us down the serious path, then blew us away with the ending. Now I know how the wicked witch survived so many centuries–she hides in the freakin’ cellar!
I hope you find mine half as amusing as this one
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
and thanks for thinking of me at the top 🙂
Hi Russell,
You are the master, but I’ve been paying attention. I’ll send you some Depends for next time I try humor (mixed with reality.)
Aloha,
Doug
Too bad no one has your address… I can imagine your mailbox stuffed with packages of “Depends”…lol.
Dear Lora,
I hope when I finally need them that my mind has gone (maybe to OZ to be with my friends.) Thanks for reading and commenting. Off to look for yours now, Oh My!
Aloha,
Doug
Wonderful descriptions. And tthat ending gave me a fit of the giggles. I’m still smiling. Thanks for sharing.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/old-wallpaper-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
Thanks Elaine,
I’m trying to go the Russell route this week (kind of.)
Aloha,
Doug
Ooh, the hatred dripped, this is obviously a relationship that has long since died and it came across beautifully (if that’s the right word for such an ending).
Here be mine: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/03/friday-fictioneers-a-wall-to-keep-a-secret/
Dear Linda,
I was trying to straddle about three fences with this piece. Probably fell off of all of them, but it was fun trying. Love your comments. Headed your way now.
Aloha,
Doug
Lol. I loved the words you used here. I don’t see the word gyre ever and I’m a fan of the rarely used shrew. Great story telling!
My story didn’t come to me with the same type of fervor, but I managed something.
https://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/rebuild/
From one wordsmith to another, Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed The Nerve. Headed your way now.
Aloha,
Doug
Loved the Wizard of Oz references, and I can empathise with his despair over the wallpaper 😉 Very visual, which always works well for me.
I think I’m having a day where I like the S-words: sinuous, silent, snapped and splinters.
Dear Joanna,
I’ll remember that you are visually oriented. So am I, so we’ve got that going for us, as Carl Spackler would say. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Aloha,
Doug
I’ll be honest and say that I wasn’t entirely sure of what was going on, but the ending was still amusing. I don’t remember that much of The Wizard of Oz these days so I didn’t get the references, I’m afraid.
This comment seems much more of a downer than intended, I really did enjoy the story regardless of my lack of memory!
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/175/
Dear Gary,
Tornado deciding whether to touch down. Guy watching it and deciding whether he wants to ride it out in the cellar with his witch of a wife. (Hmmm, maybe ‘witch’ will work better than ‘bitch’. Maybe a small edit is in order?) Decides to take his chances as the tornado touches down nearby and heads towards him. Some OZ references thrown in for good measure. The end. (No pun intended.)
Thanks for stopping in. I appreciate any and all kinds of comments so no worries if you think yours sounded like a downer. it didn’t.
By the way, I’ve got a good memory, but it’s short. I feel your pain.
Aloha,
Doug
*Laughing heartily* Wonderful–have a stitch in my side from laughing. It was genius the way you intertwined the reality and the “Oz.” Remarkable job.
Mine: http;//www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
Dear V.L.,
Thanks so much. I’ve never aimed directly at the moving target that is ‘humor’. I think this blind squirrel just managed to find an acorn. Thanks for reading. Really loved your iece this week.
Aloha,
Doug
nice. the baum’s power line.
http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/54-friday-fictioneers-by-madison-woods/
I liked the bit about ‘the oil on my water’. Just the right image for the couple. I didn’t get the Wiz of Oz references until I googled Baum, Bert Lahr and gyre, but I got there in the end, and it made me smile. I learn something every week on Friday Fictioneers… You’ve been to mine, but for others I’m at:
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/dysfunctional-friday-fictioneers-may-2012/
Wow, desperate times call for desperate measures. I can feel his need to escape and using this as the easiest way. Nicely done, Doug. 🙂
And off he went to see the Wizard, wallpaper and all.
Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
I love when reading your writing, I become more educated about many things. When I read your work, it is like I am going to school, on culture, life, history, movies…and that was my truth today. I love how you bring humor through…
Here is mine: http://integrativethought.wordpress.com
Ah wonderful, I’m still chuckling. The tie-ins to the musical are classic, the last line brilliant.
Here’s mine: http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/03/friday-fictioneers-the-gig/
Excellent. Enjoyed your OZ references, Knowing Bert Lahr…he would have loved it. Too bad he has to snuff himself. Was life that grim? Should have found a way to get rid of her instead. Maybe double lock the cellar door so she had no shelter? Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Great story. You guy is making a break for it from his miserable coexistence. Just for the few words and actions the wife did in your shortie made me dislike her. His blase attitude toward her and her wall paper had me actually excited that he chose to move one from that life. Love this share, here’s mine: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/05/fixer-upper-friday-flash-fiction.html
Thanks Atiya,
He might have survived, you know. (Maybe:) But, yes, he had reached the end of his rope with her. Thanks for visiting.
Aloha,
Doug
You managed to write a beautifully descriptive piece containing not only humour, but a universal unconsciousness wrapped between these broken walls and shreds of old wallpaper! Good job,
Linda Lindaura
Dear Linda,
Thank you for your kind comments. And many, mayn thanks for trying to educate those bloggers on Blogger about how to get rid of Captchas. I love you.
Aloha,
Doug
Wow…she must really have been wicked, Doug. I hope the chance of hanging with Dorothy and the munchkins was worth ending it all. L.F.B. would be proud. (And don’t think for a moment that I missed your publicist’s name…oh wily one).
~Susan (www.susanwenzel.com)
Dear Susan,
Was wondering if anyone would catch that. So glad it was you. I will find your story soon. Faithfully wending my way down the line.
Aloha,
Doug
How interesting. Sort of grimly annoyed and fatalistic. Great job!
You’ve read it, but here’s mine! http://kaitlinandmichaelbranch.com/2012/05/04/friday-fictioneers/
Dear Kaitlin,
What’s neat about this story and the reaction to it is that most people think my MC is going to die. i prefer to think of him choosing the lesser of two evils. And he might come out of it alive, you never know.
Thanks for stopping in and reading.
Aloha,
Doug
Aside from the tornado behaving just like the ones in my dreams (born in Indiana so I guess it’s in the genes), I was charmed by Bert Lahr and the Baums making a cameo. The references eased the grimness into something less awful, if no less final. ‘Courage’.
Thanks for visiting,
Kathy
http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/
Doug — I really enjoyed the web of Oz references, put in new contexts, and your imagery (the sinuous funnel cloud) is very rich. Thanks for your comment on mine!
My pleasure, sir. I had a close brush with one once, so that part was easy.
Aloha,
Doug
As someone from the midwest, I can relate to this very well. Excellently done! It was as if I was there.
Dear Steven,
When I was eighteen and in boot camp at Great Lakes Naval Training Center a tornado dropped out of the sky a thousand feet away and destroyed a trailer park. I stood transfixed the entire time and will NEVER forget that fifteen minutes. The description was easy in this one, so I was lucky.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Aloha,
Doug
no reason at all why he has to die; and i’ve emailed paul simon asking him to rewrite the song for you
http://sacha1nch1.wordpress.com/2012/05/03/friday-fiction-the-story-of-felicity-washington/
he said is, ‘just catch the tornado, alfredo,’ ok?
i said i’d ask
Haha! Thanks for adding that verse for me. Wish I’d thought of it.
Thanks for dropping in (no pun intended.)
Aloha,
Doug
I loved this one, especially the Baum reference. Nice way of slipping that in there. Interesting to consider a guy who’d rather have a house collapse on him than seek shelter bottled up with his shrew wife. Been there, done that. LOL. Seriously though, well done sir.
Dear Jeffrey,
Glad you escaped alive. Thanks for the comments and your keen eye.
Aloha,
Doug
A thoroughly enjoyable story Doug.
A great take on the picture and clever reference to Oz.
I loved the last line – he must have gone out with a smile on his face as he thought of her having to finally replace the wallpaper.
A great read – thanks.
Dear Mike,
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on The Nerve. I appreciate it a great deal. Did you have a link this week? I just finished your fractured fairy tale, Mary Mary. Thought it was a classic remix.
Aloha,
Doug
Could not have thought of a better story for that prompt… period!
(Since I didn’t write one… of course)
Dear Ted,
So that’s why I couldn’t find yours. Whew!
Thanks for the kind comment above, my friend. See you next week? (three days? Yikes!)
Aloha,
Doug
Being commentator number 58 or some such thing, not sure how I can add anything new or enlightening to rock this place or blow your socks off. Except to say that I enjoyed the strong imagery and the tongue in cheek Oz references. Your final line provides me with an idea for possibly how to strengthen the ending of mine (which you have already seen, and thanks for doing that)
Dear Scott,
Thanks for stopping by. Remember that half the comments here are from me thanking folks. Like this one!
See you in a few days.
Aloha,
Doug
Imaginative and humorous!
And dream-like!
Different.. I liked it!
I don’t have a link to share yet. Might not get time at all..
Dear Parul,
I have no idea how anyone can keep up with it all. No worries and thanks for the compliments/comments. I’ll keep looking for you. Three days until a new 100 words is due.
Aloha,
Doug
I’m from Kansas, and can totally relate to both the tornado & Oz! Very well written (I’m jealous!), and I loved, loved, loved the last line!
Dear Julia,
Comments like yours really fuel my fire. Thank you for sharing. Do you have a link to a story for the photo? If not, I’ll look for you in a few days. Friday’s coming.
Aloha,
Doug
Having spent 10 years of my life in Kansas, I can really relate. When you’re from Kansas, everyone thinks you know Dorothy. One of my colleagues at a Kansas university was an expert on Baum. Nice of you to dedicate it to my fellow Ozarker, Russell. All in all, I think this message has been brought to you by the letter G. Write on, my friend. Ron
Hi Ron,
Thanks for checking in and commenting. See you in a few days?
Aloha,
Doug
I hope he made it to Oz! If not, at least he’s away from the witch. I liked the references to the Wizard of Oz in the story, those were fun.
Thanks Mike.
I hope he did too. Glad you liked some Oz sprinkled in there.
Aloha,
Doug
Doug, loved the rich descriptions and the layering of OZ. Wouldn’t have thought death by tornado would be funny but you achieved that. Great work.
Dear Janet,
Thanks for stopping by to say Hi and comment. See you in a few days. Friday’s on the way.
Aloha,
Doug
Good job, my friend. Sorry for the delay in reading it – I’ve been away and I’m finally catching up. I loved this story, and I thought you conjured it absolutely perfectly, in words and images. The wife is nicely depicted – you don’t make her out to be a dragon but you don’t judge your narrator as unreasonable either. This is one of my favourites of yours so far!
E
Dear Elmo,
Thanks for every sentence but especially the last one. I like it when a story comes together; even more when others let you know it worked for them.
On that note, Marigolds came together seamlessly. Good job
Aloha,
Doug
Wow, she must have been some kind of “witch” for him to prefer staying topside during a tornado! Great voice, and fascinating tale.
Dear Judee,
Sometimes you just have to say, %&*# it! and jump.
Thanks for stopping in. New photo prompt posted already. What will we do? Looking forward to reading yours.
Aloha,
Doug
love it!! ‘She was a miserable shrew and a total control freak who, over the years, had become oil to my water.’ and ‘My last thought before everything went dark was that, like it or not, the witch was finally going to have to get some new wallpaper for the living room.’ definitly my fave parts though not sure my wife will agree!! ;p
I’m glad I tickled your funny bone. Living life between the tornado and the witch can be a trial sometimes. A little laughter makes a good storm shelter.
Thanks for dropping in. See you on Friday.
Aloha,
Doug
Awesome! I loved this! I came here looking for this week’s Flash Fiction, but am so happy I got this one instead. The last line is absolutely epic – loved it!
So glad you found this instead of that. Thanks for adding one more comment to The Nerve. I really do appreciate you taking the time to read all the way through to the end. I followed you and hope to read a lot of your work in the future.
Aloha,
Doug
Thank you! I look forward to reading through your blog and more of your posts as well!