Lament

21 Oct

 

 

Lament

 

Wazíka stood in a starlit grove on the crest of the burial bluff. All around her spirits in the fireflies spoke in silent flashes of soft yellow light. Was Xidá among them, calling to her?

Yesterday, using stones from his gaming pouch, he’d shown her how his coming of age hunt would happen. Xidá had given her his favorite shooter to hold while her older brother was away. Now that he was forever gone, Wazíka knew what to do.

Kneeling at the new grave, she dug a small hole and gently placed the white stone in the warm earth.

18 Responses to “Lament”

  1. susielindau October 21, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    This is such excellent writing Doug. Each word is like a jewel, perfectly placed throughout the story!

  2. kdmccrite October 21, 2011 at 9:24 pm #

    Lovely writing, Doug. You have such a lyrical touch. Color me envious of your talent.

  3. The Lime October 21, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    “spirits in the fireflies spoke in silent flashes of soft yellow light” ah, this is so melodic and full of diction.

    I agree with kd and susie. Lovely lovely.

    • dmmacilroy October 21, 2011 at 10:36 pm #

      Dear Susie, Kady and The Lime,

      Thank you all for your kind words. It is a pleasure to be in such fine company. (Kady, I know you’re busy, but, sheesh, i was looking forward to yours…oh, well, next week maybe.)

      Love you guys. (You made my morning.)

      Aloha,

      Doug

  4. Tiyana October 21, 2011 at 11:06 pm #

    You really know how to pull on our heart strings, Doug. 😀

    They said it: lyrical, melodic, lovely!

    • dmmacilroy October 21, 2011 at 11:14 pm #

      Dear Tiyana,

      I love reading your writing so it makes me glad that you to stop to read mine. Thanks for the comments.

      Tough pompt this week, wasn’t it?

      Aloha,

      Doug

      • Tiyana October 22, 2011 at 12:17 am #

        Yeah! Last night I was looking at the photo thinking, “What the heck am I going to do?!”

        Usually sleeping on it works, heh.

        I forgot to say: I like the names you chose, as well. I’ve never seen them before!

  5. dmmacilroy October 22, 2011 at 12:25 am #

    Tiyana,

    You will really enjoy reading Carlos Castenada’s works.

    The names in my story are taken from the names for Finch and Eagle of an old indian tribe in Arkansas.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Madison Woods October 22, 2011 at 2:09 am #

      I love Carlos Castenada. His books are an early influence on my writing and my thinking.

      Loved your story, made me feel as if I were there and I’m impressed with your research for our little 100 words 🙂 The bluff dwellers fascinate me, maybe because we know so little about them. I have a story in the works about them, but it’s on the back burner for a bit longer yet.

      • dmmacilroy October 22, 2011 at 2:18 am #

        Dear Madison,

        I take the challenge you pose each Friday very seriously. I respect the work you do to organize FridayFictioneers. A little research not only helped me with the names and feel of time and place, it helps me to thank you.

        Keep up the good work.

        Yours,

        Doug

  6. Thomma Lyn October 22, 2011 at 2:08 am #

    Ooooh, this is beautiful, evocative writing. I’m still oohing and aahing at “All around her spirits in the fireflies spoke in silent flashes of soft yellow light.” And I also love the names you chose.

    • dmmacilroy October 22, 2011 at 2:27 am #

      Hi Thomma,

      Welcome to the gang. I researched Arkansas Indian tribe names for animals thinking some might have their origins in prehistory. They sound natural, don’t they? Thanks for the kind words. Looking forward to reading your work. I tried to follow your blog. Let me know if you see my face there. if not I’ll hit more buttons.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  7. Lindaura Glamoura October 22, 2011 at 10:19 am #

    Yes, very picturesque and a story as well, fully formed!

    Linda

    • dmmacilroy October 22, 2011 at 5:55 pm #

      Thank you, Lindaura, for reading and taking the time to comment. Looking forward to reading much more of your work each Friday.
      Aloha,

      Doug

  8. Robin Hawke October 22, 2011 at 8:43 pm #

    Succinct and beautiful, Robin

    • dmmacilroy October 22, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

      Thank you, Robin, for reading and your kind comment.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  9. Deborah the Closet Monster October 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm #

    My only lament is that I wish I could see more, though most of me recognizes this is perfect exactly as is. The rest I can imagine–easily, thanks to the picture painted here.

    • dmmacilroy October 28, 2011 at 5:50 pm #

      Dear Deb,

      Thank you for reading Lament. One of the reasons I love the hundred word limit is that it requires so much to be left unsaid, yet somehow expressed by what is not written. It’s nice to know this piece caught your eye.

      Aloha,

      Doug

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