Flight

7 Oct

This is my 100 word story based on Madison Woods’ posted picture prompt at http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/photo-prompt-for-100-word-flash-fridayfictioneers/ for #Flash Fiction, #Friday Fictioneers.

Madison, I truly love horses, but so might other creatures in this wide and wooly Universe. Enjoy.

Flight

“You leaving too?” asked my neighbor at the south fence line. Things seemed normal in the growing light of dawn.

“Before the sun sets,” I replied.

“Did you see the lights?

“All night long.” Pulsing, flickering, ethereal, they’d moved like wraiths through the mist that shrouded the valley with the coming of darkness.

“Wasn’t heat lightning.”

“Wasn’t any light I’ve ever seen,” I replied.

“Hear anything?”

“Only galloping. Less and less as the night went on.” We stared at what remained of my horses. There’d been twelve the day before and not one of them skewbald.

“You need help packing?

21 Responses to “Flight”

  1. Limed Out October 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    Doug, this is great! The implications here are so interesting and the voice is true rural. Thanks for writing — the Lime

  2. susielindau October 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    Love this!!
    “All night long.” Pulsing, flickering, ethereal, they’d moved like wraiths through the mist that shrouded the valley with the coming of darkness.

    • dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

      Hi Susie,

      Thanks. This was a hard story to make fit into 100 words. Just woke up. Heading over to the link page to find yours. Good morning.

      Doug

  3. Madison Woods October 7, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    Creepy, Doug. I’d thought of something alien, too but couldn’t string the words together right. You’ve done it, though. Poor horses 😦

    • dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

      Morning Mads,

      I’m really going to try to leave the horses alone next week…:) Thanks for the input. Love this.

      Doug

  4. kdmccrite October 7, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Oo! All spooky and mysterious. What are those lights? Where did they come from? Will they be back the next night? Yes, maybe we’ll be safer elsewhere. Get those horses out of there. Good job, Doug.

    • dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

      Yeah, Kady, I don’t usually do spooky, in fact I never have. The rest of the horses are toast. I’m outta there.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  5. kbnelson October 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    Ooooh! That was great! Sounds like….More!
    Thanks for sharing –

    http://kbnelson.wordpress.com/2011/10/07/friday-flash-the-ride/

    • dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 9:09 pm #

      Morning Karen,

      It was tough sell at 100 words but good practice. Headed over to yours as we speak. Can’t wait. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  6. Siobhan Muir October 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    Well done! I’d be packing before the sun rose! 🙂

    • dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 9:11 pm #

      Thanks Siobahn,

      As I wrote it I couldn’t help but think no one would be there long after sunup, but the 100 words leaves room of only so many brush strokes.

      Thank you for commenting.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  7. Tiyana October 7, 2011 at 5:48 pm #

    “’Only galloping. Less and less as the night went on.’”

    That was my favorite line. 🙂

    My only question is, why are they still staring?!? Haha, I’d be running!

    • dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

      Hi Tiyana,

      When the lights come on we all want things to be alright again. But, you’re right, wouldn’t take me long to pack.

      Thanks for the feedback. Headed for your story link now.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  8. mahjira October 7, 2011 at 9:09 pm #

    Great story! I love the last line “You need help packing?” A great last line! It held humor as well as the creepy ‘lets-get-the-hell-out-of-here’ vibe. I did have to look up the word “skewbald” as it’s not in my vocabulary. Are the aliens picky about their breed of horses? 😉

    • dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I love the feedback. Tried to make it clear that before sundown none of the horses were skewbald and at dawn one of them was. The color pattern had me thinking that the fog had partially changed one of them, as though dawn had interrupted the process.

      100 words makes it tough to cram everything in.

      I’ll be looking for your story now that I’m up and at ’em.

      Aloha,

      Doug

  9. John Hardy Bell October 8, 2011 at 12:19 am #

    Love this, love this, LOVE this! If I wasn’t going for the sentimental angle today, this was the story I would have wanted to write! The ending nearly had me on the floor!

    Nicely done!

    • dmmacilroy October 8, 2011 at 12:48 am #

      Hi John,

      Thanks for your comments. I live and die by feedback and yours will keep the ink flowing in this old heart of mine. That rising mist is just so mysterious that I couldn’t resist.

      Mahalo, Sir.

      Yours,

      Doug

  10. Sonia Lal October 8, 2011 at 7:21 pm #

    Ohh mysterious lights and galloping (someone stealing the horses?). I like!

    • dmmacilroy October 9, 2011 at 7:36 am #

      Hi Sonia,

      Thanks for commenting. I think it was just the hoses finally figuring out how to get the valley all to themselves. Ha!

      Aloha,

      Doug

  11. Jan Morrill October 9, 2011 at 2:32 pm #

    Ooh! So much story behind the story. It leaves much to the imagination – I like that! I also like that you told the story almost entirely through dialogue. Different from others I read. Good job!

    • dmmacilroy October 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm #

      Dear Jan,

      Thanks for noticing the dialog content. I tried to write ‘Flight’ without it and found it would have taken many more words to get across the same feeling I accomplished with the 100 words of mostly dialog.

      Are you enjoying this format as much as I am?

      Aloha,

      Doug

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